Probably anxiety driven but causing me stress. 6 months ago I let a massage interaction go too far. Naked frottage, panties in the way but they may have slid over at times, me going down on her a tiny bit, mutual hand. No penetration or oral on me. But she did insert her finger into my anus at one point and I know she fingered herself at some point prior. Not even sure it was the same finger. My worry is that at 3 weeks or so post exposure I got sick. Included sore throat, congestion, general body sickness. None of those I would describe as overly severe compared to a normal flu. Worrisome part was I had a fever, one night only, broke in bed and was gone and didn't register really high.. and then a small itchy rash almost like a heat rash below my rib cage, also only lasted a day and gone. Recovered in a week but then 2 weeks later my wife got a weird more wide body rash. Hers took on a variety of looks, more dry patches mixed in and very itchy. She never complained of any other symptoms and saw two skin doctors that just thought allergies or something. Prescribed creams and eventually went away, didn't come back. But it was stubborn and wasn't fully gone for 2 months. Not sure if any of that sounds like ARS? From an answer on here I was able to put this out of my head as no risk and went on normal. Now months later I got a cold about 4 weeks ago, sore throat and cough, lasted in that form for a little over a week and mostly got better but just a few minor things have persisted. The main sore throat and cough is gone and alot of the days I feel like Im pretty much better, but at night and when I first wake up this little tickle remains. Then just some days of low energy, and that body feeling of  a cold either just starting or ending. Even right now I feel mostly fine but with a slight tickle feeling. Can't seem to fully shake it so thinking of ordering a home test, think that's needed? What odds am I looking at this is hiv?

The encounter you describe is very low, virtually no risk. The only activity that you describe with even a theoretical risk got HIV is when you performed brief cunnilingus on her. Statistically it is highly unlikely that your partner had HIV, and if she did the risk of acquiring HIV through performance of unprotected cunnilingus is minuscule.   While the flu like illness you describe has some of the characteristics of the ARS and occurred within the time frame when ARS occurs, when persons with such illnesses who are at risk for HIV are studied, less than one percent of them turn to be experiencing the ARS. The remainder having common community acquired, viral illnesses, including influenza and Covid 19.  Similarly, your wife, is it virtually no risk for HIV and the rash and accompanying symptoms you described really do not suggest HIV.

The likelihood that your symptoms are due to HIV is close to zero and, in my opinion, do not necessarily require testing. That said, if your symptoms were due to HIV, a test would certainly be positive and my sense is that at this time a negative test might be reassuring. Testing is always a personal choice.