[Question #10986] Oncogenic / ‘High Risk’ HPV Dormancy partner accusing me of infidelity

18 months ago

My partner and I began a monogamous relationship in Oct 2021. She had a normal Pap smear / negative HPV test in June ‘22. In January ‘24 she had an abnormal Pap smear and a positive HPV test.

She is telling me her doctor is telling her that oncogenic HPV is never dormant and the facts mean that I had to have cheated on her between June ‘22 and January ‘24. Her Doctor is telling her that she has had recent initial exposure and that I must have given it to her.

I was sexually active before being with more than partner before having sex with my girlfriend, but never with anyone but her afterward.

I know I didn’t cheat in any way. Not a kiss, not a touch, no infidelity of any sort by me. She is the love of my life, but her friends and her ‘Life Coach’ are telling her that I cheated. I did not.

I don’t think our relationship is salvageable because of the lack of trust she has in me now. But I need to know how this happened. And I need to let her know that all the facts regarding dormancy and latency apply to high risk HPV.

She is determined it is never latent or dormant.

Can you help me?

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

18 months ago

Welcome to the forum. But wow! I'm so sorry you (and your partner) have been the recipients of such egregiously wrong misinformation.

Her doctor is entirely wrong, or your partner misunderstood her. All HPV strains have the potential to become dormant -- i.e. continued viral presence not detected by routine testing. In fact, this is MORE common with the high risk types of HPV than the low risk types. You don't say your age or your partner's, but beyond age 30 or so, most HPV positive Paps are the result of reactivation, not new infection. A corollary to all this is that it's almost never possible to know with certainty when and from whom any particular HPV infection was acquired. Taking you at your word regarding monogamy, the only possibilities for your partner's Pap smear result are reactivation of a distant past infection or that she is the one who had another partner and a newly acquired infection. Assuming you believe the latter to be unlikely, she has a reactivated infection.

It's really hard for me to understand your partner's doctor's position. Are you sure your partner understood her (or him) accurately? If so, I strongly advise that she seek another gynecologist who better understands the clinical epidmeiology of genital HPV infections. It should be very easy to find someone else: in my 40+ years in the STD, business, this is the very first time I've heard of a gyn who so misunderstands genital HPV infections. Almost any other doctor your partner would find will understand and agree with what I've just said.

I can't comment on the relationship issues and whether the relationship can be saved -- or at this point, whether that's in your best interest. But from a scientific perspective, her reasoning is 100% mistaken. If you hope or plan to resurrect the relationship, perhaps you could start by printing out these comments for her (and her doctor).

I'm sorry you're having to experience this, but I hope this information is helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

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18 months ago

Test

18 months ago

Dr. Hansfield,

First let me thank you for your thorough response - I have been called an idiot, a liar and a cheater over last few weeks, but your reply helped me feel sane again

I think you are saying HPV could have lay dormant until after Jun '22 in me, her, or both.

Option 1, it was dormant in me and then became active post Jun 22 and I passed it to her. Possible?

Option 2. it was dormant in her for 2+ years (she was celibate 1.5 years before we had sex, Covid) but active with multiple partners and a cheating spouse prior to that. She has had annual PAP/HPV tests since her divorce (7 years ago) and was negative until Jan '24. Possible?

Option 3. she cheated - I don't believe this or I cheated - I know not true

Also, I read that there is no way her GYN could have known that it was a recent exposure from me that had never lay dormant in me or that it was not dormant in her from a prior partner.

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

18 months ago

"HPV could have lay dormant until after Jun '22 in me, her, or both." Yes. Option 1 is possible but not likely. Option 2 is by far the best bet. I have no way to judge option 3; you know her and I don't.

Your closing statement ("Also, I read that there is no way...."): Exactly right.

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Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner

18 months ago

good morning. I answer the herpes questions on this website. Every now and then, a post catches my eye and this one definitely did. Dr. Handsfield gave you such an amazingly thorough response to your question. Her doctor couldn't be more wrong and an expert such as Dr. Handsfield should override anything said by her doctor, her friends or her "life coach" whatever that is. The Centers for Disease Control has a great little handout about HPV for men - here is the link. I hope you'll use it and perhaps share it. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Perhaps the relationship can be saved, perhaps not. It must feel disconcerting that she chooses to believe one doctor who is obviously confused about HPV over a life partner and everything you can read on professional online resources about HPV. I'm sure we all hope this works out for you. Here is the link: https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm

Terri Warren

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H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

18 months ago

Thanks, Terri! The CDC link about HPV in men is excellent.

However, I'll add that offering that link does not imply that she (or I) believe it is likely you have HPV. In view of your sexual history and vaccination, it is unlikely. For the same reason, this makes me realize my response yesterday needs modification. I said your Option 1 -- that you are the source of your partner's newly diagnosed HPV infection -- is possible but "not likely". That's true, but I would state it more strongly: it is theoretically possible, but extremely unlikely. Having been vaccinated against HPV, probably you are immune to the HPV strain detected with her Pap smear. I don't want to imply that you should acknowledge this to your partner: it ia almost certain her HPV was delayed detection of an infection from one of her (many?) past sex partners.

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