[Question #11037] Relationship Concerns with HSV2 Partner
17 months ago
|
I am a 40-year old male and started a relationship in the last year with a woman who has HSV2. She informed me of her status several months into our relationship. We always had protected intercourse with a condom. She had not had an outbreak in nearly 9 years when she felt like she was possibly having one she informed me and we did not engage in any sexual activity until she felt better. She had also take medication to help suppress future outbreaks. Mentally this really affected me and my fear of contracting HSV2. Since then I have been really conflicted on our relationship moving forward for this reason only. I did get tested several times using the IGG test and was negative both times after waiting the appropriate amount of time. I do love her and see her as a potential life partner. My question is, is the risk very minimal for transmission from female to male with the use of condoms and anti-viral medication?
![]() |
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
17 months ago
|
yes, the risk is very minimal. With no interventions, having sex about twice a week, about 4 men out of 100 will acquire HSV 2 in a year. Antivirals cut transmission by 48%, condoms by 65%. But in the end her is the question? Would you rather take all precautions, and know there is never zero risk, and be with her or would it be better for you to be without her and not risk HSV acquisition from her. I think the risk, with those interventions, is very low but only you can make that decision
Terri
---![]() |
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
17 months ago
|
The forum moderators don't frequently comment in each others' threads, but with Terri's approval I thought I'd add my two cents here.
The single greatest concern in people fearful of genital herpes is the need to inform future or potential partners. In a committed and intended monogamous relationship, that usually becomes a minor consideration. And genital herpes itself usually settles into a pretty minor problem. Indeed, some couples in your situation decide to take no precautions at all, other than avoiding sex during outbreaks, otherwise letting nature take its course. You might never be infected, but in the event of transmission, you would be on the alert to promply start effective treatment, and most cases settle into relatively infrequent and not especially bothersome outbreaks whose frequency and severity can be controlled with very safe treatment. Therefore herpes generally should not be a serious impediment to romance, commitment, and rewarding sex, and especially should not dissuade someone from selecting "a potential life partner".
Terri's comments imply all this. Just don't allow an impersonal bit of DNA wrapped in protein, which happened to evolve to exploit human intimacy for its own propagation, rule such an important aspect of life!
---
HHH, MD
------
17 months ago
|
Thank you for the advice.
Other than direct contact with a lesion are there other ways HSV2 can be transmitted? I.E. sharing dirty towels or dirty sheets?
![]() |
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
17 months ago
|
We don't believe that HSV can be transmitted via inanimate objects, with the exception of sex toys. However, we do recommend that people have their own towels to use rather than sharing towels, just in case.
Terri
---
17 months ago
|
How long in between outbreaks should you wait before having sex again? What about statics and concern on oral sex performed on her?
![]() |
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
17 months ago
|
There is no specified time that you should wait after an outbreak to have sex - my guideline is when new skin has replaced the lesion and sex is once again comfortable. But the virus can be shed without any symptoms so we unfortunately cannot say that waiting X amount of time after an outbreak is 100% safe to have intercourse. HSV 2 has what we call a strong site preference for the genital area - it really likes it there and doesn't like the oral area much. I've seen oral HSV 2, for sure, but rarely.
Terri
---