Welcome to our Forum.  I will be answering your questions today as they are a bit beyond the issues of a possible exposure to herpes that you mentioned in your earlier exchange with Terri...Before I address your specific questions, let me agree with Terri that your risk for having acquired herpes from the earlier exposure that you described is quite low.  Although your partner's wife may have HSV-2, we all have cared for many couples in which one person has genital herpes and the others do not despite years of unprotected sexual activity.  If lesions are not present, we typically estimate the risk of transmission of infection from an asymptomatic infected person to an uninfected partner as being less than 1 infection per 1000 exposures and perhaps lower still- factors such as the duration of infection impact this estimate since the longer a person has HSV, the lower their viral shedding and recurrence rates are.  In your case, you do not even know that your partner is infected- I would not be worried about the exposure you described if I were you.

Also, before I address your specific questions, let me add that most persons overestimate the likelihood of exposure as well.  Not only do most people not have STIs but even when exposure to an infected partner, most exposures do not lead to infection. 

As for your follow-up questions:

1.  there is a difference between completely asymptomatic infection and unrecognized infection and both occur.  there is debate as to which is most common.  Recent studies indicate that at lest of persons who acquire HSV-2 do so without being aware that they were infected.  At lest as many and probably more mistake herpes outbreaks for other self-limited problems such as chaffing or yeast infections.  I see little for you to gain by having a repeat IgG test at this time.  You would risk a false positive test result and if you succeed in your plan to abstain until your relationship has progressed further, then both getting tested at the same time is a great way to move forward with your relationship.  Your risk from infection related to non-penetrative sex is vanishingly low.

2.  Of all forms of penetrative sex, oral sex is about the lowest risk activity.  There is a very, very low risk (so low it is hard to quantify) of getting HIV from performing oral sex on an untreated, infected partner.  One can also acquire gonorrhea and more rarely still chlamydia of the throat from performing oral sex on an infected partner but most men with these infections would show signs of infection.  While persons with oral herpes (HSV-1) certainly can transmit infection to a partner's genitals with oral sex, it is very rare for persons to acquire oral herpes from performing oral sex on an infected partner. further, as you suggest, for reasons that are not completely understood the HSV-2 virus does not seem to "like" the mouth and very, very rarely causes oral herpes.

3.  STIs which are transmitted by non-mucosal skin to skin contact (we're talking here mostly about syphilis and herpes) can occur at any site of skin to skin contact but this too is very, very rare.  The reasons for this is that the skin of non-genital parts of the body are thicker and more resistant to infection than the thinner, more susceptible skin in the genital regions.  STIs of the nipple/areola of women are rare- I do not believe I've ever seen on in more than 35 years of STI-focused practice. 

I hope these comments are helpful to you.  EWH

1.  Persons who already have oral herpes due to HSV-1 are not susceptible to further infection at any site.  Since so many people have oral HSV, whether they know it or not, this eliminates there risk for infection.  As for uninfected persons who receive oral sex from a person who has oral herpes, the risk for infection is low- certainly less than 1% per act of oral sex as long as the person performing oral sex does not have lesions. 

2.  I know of know comparative studies of the female vs the male condom for STD protection.  I would assume that either method would be a highly effective method for reducing STI risk.

3.  Correct- touching/masturbation is a no risk activity in terms of STI risk, including for HIV, even when genital secretions from the partners get on each other.  Mutual masturbation is widely accepted as safe sex. 

Glad you found my comments helpful.  Take care and stay safe, as you are preparing to do.  EWH

We do get questions from time to time about HSV prevention.  There are steps but prophylaxis with anti-herpes medications for the uninfected partner is not one that has been studied (so we do not know if it would work or not) or recommended.  The things which are proven to reduce risk for acquisition, and each of which reduce risk for HSV transmission by between 30% and 50% are:

1.  Avoidance of contact if lesions are present

2.  Correct and consistent condom use

3.  For the infected person to take anti-herpes medications such as valacyclovir daily to reduce asymptomatic shedding of the virus as well as recurrences, each of which is associated with transmission of infection

Thanks for your thanks. We do this in the hope that the information we have will be helpful. I'm pleased that you found my comments helpful.  Take care.  EWH