[Question #119] condom protected oral sex

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106 months ago
Dear Drs. 

I am a 44 year old happily married white man. My wife and have been together for 15 years and we have two children. Several months ago, I was under extreme stress because my job was coming to an end. 

I began visiting massage parlors and receiving hand jobs. Additionally, I received oral sex 4 times from two different women. I wore a condom each time and I am almost completely certain that the condoms did not break. (I used condoms exclusively for 3 years in a prior relationship, so I feel that I have a good sense when they break or not.)

In one instance, I am certain that the girl briefly licked my testicles and the base of my penis below the condom. I have not had penetrative sex with anyone since I've been with my wife. 

Two days after the last time we had intercourse, my wife got a UTI. It cleared after a dose of antibiotics. 

Last month I was released from my company, as I feared. I've had much anxiety since then -- even panic attacks. Additionally, I've had some back, shoulder, groin and leg pain (I am a runner). And my armpit odor is different, as has happened during other times of stress. I have not had any sores on or discharge from my penis. 

In my darkest moments, like in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, I worry that caught an STD (HIV, herpes, etc). 

Kindly advise. 

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H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
106 months ago
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your question.

I'm pretty sure you know (intellectually) that there is no chance you have an STD from the exposures you describe. Oral sex is safe sex even without a condom -- not zero risk, but low risk for all STDs and zero for some, and far less risky than vaginal or anal sex. With a condom that dosn't visibly break, there is simply no chance of transmission of any STD.

UTIs are common in women -- probably every woman has one from time to time. And they often are triggered by sex, not because anything is transmitted from the male partner, but simply because sex can massage bacteria into the urethra. Your wife's UTI for sure has nothing to do with STD or with your non-marital oral sex exposures. As for your own symptoms, your self diagnosis probably is correct. In any case, no STD can cause the aches and pains you describe or any change in body odor.

So all is well from an STD and sexual health standpoint. You don't need testing and should continue normal sexual relations with your wife.

I hope this has helped. Best wishes--  HHH, MD