Hello Docs, 

I am currently waiting on my lab results. I had a meltdown because I can't find my records between now and 2018. I swear I had a few tests in between. I started to look back and evaluate my encounters from 2018 to now. I am married, so it has been me and my wife. However, I have stepped out a few times. One time with my Ex, once with a friend, and three times with an old coworker. All of these have been unprotected vaginal intercourse. All three have shared that they were clean.  My ex and friend have both shared clean health status the same day they got results. I had one drunk incident where a client in my studio gave me unprotected oral as well. There was another incident with a couple, but the wife gave me oral. 

I was moving on to my more riskier encounters. I have gotten oral sex from three trans women. Of those three I mentioned, I had sex with two of them, and for both women, I had a condom on. One woman is HIV negative and on prep.( one of the women has HIV, as stated last time, but there isn't a timeline of whether she had it when we did the deed or not). The third woman I did not have sex with, but I received oral sex from her about five times. 

I dont know when I will see results but I cant shake the feeling of feeling like crap, low, dirty, lied to . I feel lied to because i did ask the one partner their status and I think she may have been lying. I can wrap my head around the condom slipping up. Now i second guess whether it was intact and many more anxiety driving thoughts. 

Can you help me understand my encounters? I see you say HIV from oral is not a risk to worry about. Is it more so because I was the insertive partner? I dont think i had any cuts or damages on my shaft so i should be fine?? I am losing my .... But doing my best to stay strong. 

"Even if she were HIV infected and untreated at the time of your encounter,  there would be virtually no risk of HIV related to either receipt of oral sex or condom slippage as long as the head of your penis was covered.  As long as it has been 6 weeks or more since your encounter, the test you get today will be conclusive."