In April last year I’ve had blood drawn for a test and because I do not remember seeing the nurse open the needle pack in front of me I kept having this fear that she used a used needle (whether intentionally or not). 

I have severe health anxiety, particularly when it comes to HIV and STDs, to the point that it stops me from wanting to have sex with my partner because I worry I will give something to him (even though we both have been tested). 

Today I had a breakdown and did two Oraquick tests and two Newfoundland rapid HIV tests. All 4 were negative. 

My mind keeps spiralling and thinking “what if the batch was defective” or “what if all the results were false negatives”. 

I just want to stop worrying about this so I can move on and live my life in peace and hopefully have a normal sex life with my partner. (For context we have been together for 3 years and I still can’t have unprotected sex due to my fears). 

That you don't recall "seeing the nurse open the needle pack" should not be a cause for worry or anxiety. There is no way to open a needle pack that would put you at risk for HIV or other blood borne infection; and no health care providers in the US or other industrialized countries have re-used needless (intentionally or unintentionally) for at least 20 years. It just doesn't happen.

Your test results are conclusive; for certain you do not have HIV. The notion that all 4 of the test kits had a similar defect is obvious nonsense. And given your absence of risk factors for HIV, you should not have been tested anyway.

That your irrational fears of HIV are affecting your sexuality is an indication of the severity of the problem. There is no possibility that this advice, or any other factual information or advice, will help. They will not:  a basic characteristic of OCD and similar problems is that simply hearing and understanding the facts (intellectually) never is enough; there always are "yes but" or "could I be the exception" sorts of thoughts. The only solution is professional care. Start with your PCP, being entirely frank with them -- and expecting that they will advise professional counseling. Do not tell me how impractical this would be or why you cannot do it.

Good luck.

HHH, MD

I appreciate your response. I can say I’ve had improved a bit ever since I started taking sertraline for my anxiety. But sometimes there are certain things that trigger my anxiety and make me spiral. 

This will be my final question: 

Am I correct in thinking that no further tests are required (e.g lab tests)? Due to anxiety I usually avoid those as there’s normally a 24-48 hour wait for results. 

And that at 20 months both the Ora quick and Newfoundland results are conclusive and have been performed correctly? (I got four clear negative results, with the C line perfectly visible and no T line) 

My anxiety keeps telling me that “what if I did not put enough buffer liquid” or “what if I put too much” or “what if there was too much saliva on the gums” but am I right in assuming that if it was the case for any of that the test results would have been inconclusive and not a clear negative? 

Many thanks and happy holidays.