My question today is different. I (male) got drunk at a work party and ended up at home with a coworker (female). We got naked and kissed and prepared for sex. We were both into it, and I pressed the head of my unprotected penis up to her vagina - either I wasn’t hard enough because of the alcohol or she wasn’t wet enough, but I couldn’t penetrate. We were in that spot for 5-10 seconds.  We both sobered up in that moment and decided we weren’t going to have sex and fell asleep. 

My question is: even though we were aiming to have sex, and my penis was oriented toward and pressing up to the vaginal opening, would this be considered the same as frottage because there was no penetration (I.e. being a “no risk” activity)? Or is there risk of catching a STD because of our positioning?  Thanks for taking the time to answer! I’ve read quite a bit of responses on frottage and mutual masturbation but I am one for semantics and wanted to double check. 

First, you describe a partner who seems to be at low risk for HIV or other active STDs. Even though you say nothing about her sexual history and lifestyle, in general people who decide to have sex with someone they have known for some time -- as implied by the fact that she and you are co-workers -- usually would not knowingly put that partner/friend/coworker at risk. Just as you would have not gotten into this situation if you knew you were likely to be infected, the same likely applies to her.

Second, even with unprotected vaginal intercourse to completion, most infections are inefficiently transmitted. (For HIV the transmission chance, if she had untreated infection, would be under one chance in 2,000.) And as you suggest yourself, you didn't really have sex. There are no existing definitions to sort out the difference in risk between intercourse and genital apposition without penetration, but penile contact with a partner's vaginal opening and labia is low risk. Maybe not quite as low as for the usual forms of frottage, which usually doesn't involve direct genital contact, but probably not much different.

Do you need testing? From a medical/risk standpoint, I would say no. OTOH, reassurance along is a valid reason for testing -- and if you remain concerned, you could have a urine gonorrhea/chlamydia test any time 4-5 days or more after the event. I really wouldn't worry about HIV or syphilis at all, but if you want that reassurance, blood tests for both in a few weeks would be a consideration. Another option is to have a discussion with her about it. You might find she is just as worried as you are:  women are at substantially higher risk of STD from their male partners than in the other direction. On one hand, you might mutually reassure one another that there are no worries. Or if either or both of you have had other partners recently -- especially new or non-monogamous partners -- perhaps both of you would be reassured by negative test results.

Or skip it entirely. In personal perspectives, if somehow I were in your situation, I would not be tested, assuming no symptoms like penile discharge or sores in the next couple of weeks. All in all, this was a low risk situation.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD