[Question #13814] HIV - Am I okay?

8 days ago

Last month my wife and I decided to live apart as we worked things out. This week we have decided to make a go of our relationship again, however, I am incredibly anxious about infecting her with HIV.

I visited friends for dinner 2 weeks ago and, with my poor judgment, ended the night hooking up with a random female in one of the bars (not a sex worker). We went back to her place.

I sucked her breasts, played with her vagina with my fingers (and fingered); and we deep kissed with tongue for nearly an hour.

We did not have sex and no oral happened (e.g BJ or going down on her).

I do not know her HIV status and did not ask any questions about her sex life or testing since I never wanted to have sex. This was a moment of madness that should never have happened.

I would be grateful if you could answer the below:

A) Am I clear of HIV?

B) Can I resume unprotected sex with my wife?

I would appreciate if, as experts, you can provide any reassurance so that I can move forward without concern.

Thank you

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

8 days ago

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for your confidence in our services.

You describe a zero risk sexual experience, with no chance of HIV or any other STI, even if your partner is infected with a transmissible STI. These infections are not transmitted by hand-genital contact or fingering, or by oral contact with non-genital areas, including breasts and nipples; or by kissing.

Therefore A) you are in the clear with respect to HIV and STIs and you do not need testing; and B) there is no reason you cannot continue unprotected sex with your wife.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

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8 days ago

Thank you very much, Dr Handsfield.

So in summation: your medical advice is that I’m completely in the clear of HIV and can now move on with my life with absolutely zero concern?

Lastly, from an educational point, are you able to please advise how to avoid HIV for the rest of my life?

It is really the only STI that I pay attention to the most given (a) there is currently no cure; and (b) I work in MENA - therefore I am tested every 2 years.

I do not share needles and I would never have unprotected intercourse with a female partner without discussing STI’s in advance.

I am talking hypothetically in the event my wife and I are to part in the future. Nonetheless, your medical answers will be a great help and I will keep them to hand for the future.

Thank you

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

8 days ago

Yes you "can now move on...with absolutely zero concern" about HIV. The wording of your questions about avoiding HIV in the future suggests you know (or can predict) my answers. You avoid HIV with 100% certainty by never having sex of any kind with another person. Assuming that option isn't acceptable, don't have intercourse: no penile-vaginal or -anal penetration. (If you have sex with men, no receptive anal sex.) Condoms of course are highly protective against HIV from vaginal or anal sex but they can break, slip, etc and therefore are not 100% protective. Unprotected oral sex is extremely safe, but nobody can say the risk is zero. Finally, select partners with care; asking HIV/STI status is exactly the right thing to do. In event you develop a new committed partnership, your partner can be tested for HIV and other STIs.---

7 days ago

Thank you for the concrete reassurance, Doctor. You have been a big help and eased the stress that I had from this event.

So for there to be any HIV risk at all there must be:

A) unprotected penis - vaginal / anal intercourse;

B) oral sex;

C) shared needles; and

D) massive blood exposure (i.e from a stabbing).

Everything else intimacy wise is zero risk for HIV (i.e deep French kissing and normal ‘peck’ kissing,) and is to be disregarded?

I will round off by saying thank you for your expertise and for answering my questions - particularly on a Friday evening and over the weekend. If anyone ever needs STI advice, I will be sure to recommend this forum.

I am looking forward without any HIV worries now.

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

7 days ago

All true statements except statement B: oral sex can be considered zero risk for all practical purposes, although slightly higher for the oral partner if the penile partner has HIV. (To my knowledge there has never been a scientifically documented case of HIV acquired by the penile partner in oral sex; and also no known infections transmitted by cunnilingus (oral-vaginal contact). As I said above, this doesn't prove the risk is zero but it comes close.

Thanks for the thanks. I'm glad to have helped.

That completes the two follow-up comments and replies included with each question and so ends this thread. Best wishes and stay safe.

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