I am a straight man aged 30 and have been in a 2 month relationship with a female aged 28. 

I have found out tonight that she has been seeing another man behind my back. I have put a stop to things for good.

The extent of our intimacy over the last 2 months was (1) me kissing, sucking and licking her boobs and (2) passionate snogging. We were yet to have penetrative sex or any form of oral sex together.

We never discussed STI’s as it never got to the stage where we were to have sex. My worry now is that she has gone further with this man (aka. sex and oral sex).

Naturally, HIV is my no.1 worry as it’s the biggie.

My understanding from your website is that even if she was HIV positive, passionate snogging and mouth contact with her boobs would not put me at any risk of infection. I see Doctor HH has just answered two similar Q’s tonight regarding snogging / French kissing where he advises the clients to move on without concern.

I appreciate your help.

Kindest regards

Sultan

First, you describe a partner very unlikely to have HIV, which in North American and Western Europe remains very rare in women without special risks (injection drug use, sex work, etc). (I'm guessing you're in the UK, where "snogging" is more common slang than in North America.) That she likely has had vaginal or oral sex with another male sex partner does not mark her at significant HIV risk. Second and perhaps more important, you are entirely right in your understanding of the absence of HIV risk (or risk for any STI) from kissing, oral contact with her breasts, and body to body contact (snagging?) without penile penetration.

So my advice is exactly as you found in other discussions on the forum:  no risk for HIV or other STI and no need to be tested for anything.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

Many many thanks for your medical assurances. I was thinking the worst!

I am UK-born but living in the UAE. The female was Moroccan (not a sex worker) and has been living here for almost 10 years. I do not know anything about her sex life.

I would like to use my last post please to ascertain the overall risks of HIV and the activities to be mindful of as an adult to ensure I never become at risk (since I am tested every 2 years for my visa).

My understanding is as follows:

RISK OF HIV:

1. Unprotected penile-vaginal and penile-anal intercourse

2. Sharing drug needles

3. Exposure to huge amounts of another’s blood.

NO RISK OF HIV:

1. Snogging / deep French kissing (regardless of cuts in either mouth)

2. Fingering a vagina

(regardless of scrapes or cuts on the fingers)

3. Touching a potentially contaminated object or surface 

(i.e door handles, shared stationary) and picking your nose

4. Touching your own penis / urethra (i.e going to the bathroom) after touching a potentially contaminated object or surface

5. Sharing straws or vapes; or drinking from the same glass

Please let me know if I have missed any activities that constitute an HIV risk amongst the STI experts and literature.

Thank you very much for your time and help.

Kindest regards

Sultan

My understanding of the HIV/AIDS situation in most MENA countries, including Morocco and UAE, is that HIV is quite rare in women who are not sex workers. It remains unlikely your partner had HIV. 

There are a few genuine HIV risks you don't list. Infection of infants born to infected mothers; infants infected by infected nursing mothers; health care providers injured by sharp instruments containing HIV infected blood; recipients of transplanted organs donated by HIV infected persons. Also, condoms are not perfect:  some persons apparently have been infected during condom protected sex, because the condom broke or was improperly used.

Thank you for the additional scientific information.

I therefore understand that, outside of a medical setting (which I do not work in), I will never be at risk of HIV until I:

1. Have unprotected penile intercourse

2. Share needles (which I never will)

3. Am exposed to vast amounts of blood

I have absolutely nothing to worry about regarding HIV until any of the above three happen?

Thank you for taking the time to comment this evening. This website has been a great find for me and it is refreshing to have straightforward science-based answers. I will have no hesitation in using your services again in the future (although I hope it is not needed!)

Kindest regards

Sultan