I am a heterosexual male (32). I will start off admitting that I have abused alcohol over the last few months after my wife had an affair with my best friend. I had a breakdown and have been receiving therapy. It is now 2 weeks since my last drink. It may only be a short period, but I hope to be on the road to recovery for the sake of my son (8).

Over the last 4 months I made some regrettable decisions. Decisions that are very out of character for me, but my head was all over the place.

I met 3 women on separate occasions both via social media and when out at bars. The sexual activities with each were:

Female 1 - November 2025:

Passionate French kissing

Female 2 - December 2025:

Passionate French kissing 

I fingered her vagina

I sucked her boobs

Female 3 - February 2025:

I received an unprotected handjob (wet)

Passionate French kissing

As you can see, my penis never entered any of these females (vagina or mouth). However, equally I have no idea if they had STI’s (HIV being my main concern as it’s lifelong).

I am fortunate that my therapist also has contacts with a local STI practice. They kindly reached out to me and assured me that the activities that I have listed above put me at no risk of HIV transmission, even if it turned out any of these females happened to have HIV.

After hearing this I believe that I can now stop worrying about HIV. However, I would be grateful if you can also confirm.

Best wishes

Nik

I'm glad to hear you're working your way through your difficulties, apparently with good success. Congratulations. I'm also happy to confirm the information your therapist learned fro a local STI resource. There have been no known cases of HIV acquired by kissing or by oral sex mouth to penis. In general saliva and oral contact are zero risk or close to zero. The virus also is not transmitted by fingering or other hand-genital contact or by oral contact with infected persons' breasts and nipples. You also were at no significant risk of any other STI. I would not advise testing -- you're in the clear.

I hope these comments are helpful. Best wishes and stay safe.

HHH, MD

Thank you for your compassion. I also followed your work on Healthtap when I was dating before my marriage. I have stayed away from the internet as there will no doubt be conflicting views (and many from people who do not work in STI’s). 

Your “you’re in the clear” statement is a blessing. Thank you so much. 

I hope you don’t mind answering some further questions:

A. From reading the forum, I see that other clients have been advised that, aside from babies born positive or accidents in medical settings (i.e huge blood exposure / needle injury), HIV is only transmitted in TWO ways: 1. Unprotected penile penetration; and 2. injection of infected blood deep into tissue with needles.

Is this still the scientific position today?

B. When I was masterbated by my partner, she used lubrication cream from a pump. If she also had genital fluids on her hands (or God forbid, blood), is this still no HIV risk?

C. Does it matter if I bite my nails or had small nicks around my fingernails when I fingered one of my partners? Still no HIV risk even with vaginal fluids or blood in the vagina?

I am looking forward to getting my life back on track and forgetting about these lapses of judgement. 

Best wishes

Nik