Before we agreed to get back together, I attended my sister’s wedding. At the wedding I began flirting with one of the bridesmaids, who was also flirting back and invited me into her hotel room.

We were tongue (“French”) kissing for nearly an hour. I also fingered her vagina which was very wet and she played with herself and put her fingers in her mouth. Lastly, I also kissed her stomach and neck (my mouth did not touch her vagina).

My understanding from your website is that tongue (“French”) kissing and fingering a vagina is not a risk for HIV infection, so this was nice to read.

Obviously I am assuming the worst (i.e that she had HIV) in asking these questions, but I am most probably overthinking out of guilt more than anything. 

Again, from reading your website, I believe that I was not at risk of HIV from these events and I can safely have sex with my partner again unprotected.

Please can you confirm if this is correct?

Many thanks in advance.

Thanks as well for reading other discussions of questions similar to your own. You learned well, at least intellectually; the only problem I see is your continued anxiety and guilt over a sexual decision you regret. Need it is correct that open mouth kissing and fingering (or other hand-genital contact) have never been known to transmit HIV -- that is, there have been no reported cases of infected persons whose only exposures were kissing, fingering, etc. Of course that doesn't mean the risk is truly zero:  if someone is infected after both (say) unprotected vaginal sex and kissing, how can you know which was the actual source of the virus? But if there are NO known cases in which these were the only possible exposures, obviously the chance of infection is exceedingly low. So even with "...assuming the worst (i.e. that she had HIV)..." there was no realistic change of infection. 

Therefore I'm happy to "confirm...this is correct" and that you can safely have unprotected sex with your regular partner. Congratulations on your plan to rekindle the relationship. My only other minor caution is what should be very obvious to you:  When one person in a partnership has been tempted to have other sexual experiences, often the other partner has done the same. You might consider 'fessing up both to relieve your conscience and being reassured (probably) that she has not been at risk herself. But that's relationship advice, not medical; take it or leave it as you wish. 

I hope these words are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

I hope you don’t mind answering two additional questions related to the same event.

Again, from reviewing previous answers of yourself and Doctor Hook, I understand that the below also did not put me at risk for HIV.

Q1) I understand that HIV is not transferred on a person’s hands. Suppose that my partner touched her vagina and then touched her stomach or neck where I had kissed / sucked. This did not put me at risk?

Q2) As mentioned, my partner put her fingers in her mouth one time after playing with her vagina.

I was at no risk from kissing her a minute or two later? (I understand saliva kills the virus)

Many thanks again. I am looking forward to putting this all behind me after tonight.