Unfortunately there is so much conflicting information online about my circumstances. I wish to hear the opinions of professionals who work in the STI field on a daily basis.

I am a heterosexual man and my girlfriend is currently 6 months pregnant. Due to stresses of work and our house purchase collapsing, we decided to take a short break apart. However, due to the pending birth of our daughter, we have now got back together.

In this 3 month gap apart I have not had any penetrative sex with anyone (vaginal / anal / giving or receiving oral sex). 

However, I have done ‘bits’ with 2 females that I went on dates with separately. This included:

Date 1:

Date 2:

I am petrified about infecting my girlfriend and therefore had a private phone consultation with an STI clinic. The nurse advised, from a science pov, not to test for HIV or any other STI based on these events as no penile penetration into a vagina, anus or mouth took place.

To be transparent, I have told my girlfriend about these events and she has forgiven me. She has not engaged in sexual activities with anyone during our separation.

I look forward to hearing your medical opinion. I hope that you agree with the nurse that I have nothing to worry about.

Kind regards

I'll start by advising that you won't find so much "conflicting information online" if you limit searching to professionally run or at least professionally moderated websites, like public health departments, academic medical resources, and moderated forums like this one. Most important, stay away from sites operated by and for people with the health problem you are concerned about, whether HIV, STI, or anything else. Anybody can write whatever they want and such sites usually are dominated by emotional and other unscientific perspectives. (Like Reddit as a prime example.)

The brief point is that you describe absolutely nothing that has put you at significant risk of HIV infection. First, in most societies -- including the US, Western Europe and most industrialized countries -- HIV remains very rare in sexually active women. Statistically, it is very unlikely these superficial (in effect not even sexual) partners has HIV. But even if one did, the virus is not transmitted by hand-genital contact, by contact of skin (genital or anywhere else) with HIV infected blood or genital fluids, kissing (including open mouth), by saliva, or mouth contact with breasts including nipples.

For those reasons I agree exactly with the advice you had in your phone consultation with the STI clinic nurse. All is well and you do not need testing; and you can safely continue unprotected sex with your regular partner.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything is clear. And stop looking at the internet for alternate viewpoints:  you would find lots of them, all of which should be ignored and therefore not sought out.

HHH, MD

Thank you for your advice.

I hope you don’t mind answering the below:

1. If I licked my lip following the kiss (and if she had kissed me with a small amount of vaginal fluids or blood on her lips), this still put me at no risk of HIV?

2. Fingering with bitten fingernails and contact with vaginal fluids and blood makes no difference? Still no risk of HIV?

3. Given that your medical advice is that I am clear of HIV, please can you provide guidance on how I avoid HIV for the rest of my life?

Thank you for your help. Your analysis has greatly helped given how anxious I was yesterday before I found this page.

1. "If I liked my lip...etc...still no risk of HIV?" Correct.

2. "Fingering with bitten fingernails... etc Still no risk?" Correct.

3. "...guidance on how I can avoid HIV for the rest of my life?" Much too complex for a brief reply. Search online -- hundreds of sources are available. The basic prevention strategy is to not have sex with potentially high risk partners (a permanently monogamous uninfected partner of course is safest). Otherwise use condoms regularly. Choose your partners carefully if indeed you "end upfront dating other people again...."

Thanks for the thanks. I'm glad my comments are helpful.

In response to my final question, I have taken your advice and looked at historic replies posted by yourself and Doctor Hook on the forum.

If I have understood correctly, as an adult, I will NEVER catch HIV until I:

1. Have unprotected penile-vaginal or penile-anal intercourse.

2. Share needles. 

3. Am exposed to huge amounts of blood (i.e the amounts seen in a traumatic accident / shooting).

Other than such events, I have nothing to worry about at all?

I appreciate that the thread will now be closed. Thank you for assisting me.

As you anticipated, having completed the two follow-up comments and replies included with each question, this thread is concluded. I hope the discussion has been helpful. Best wishes and stay safe.