About 11 years ago, I believe my wife got herpes from me in her genital area from my performing oral sex on her.   I was unaware I had herpes until that time, but shortly afterward, we both had painful little blisters  that burst into open sores.  Neither of us have been tested, as we just went to see our doctors, and they both told us, “Yup, that looks like herpes”.  We were both placed on Valacyclovir daily as a preventative measure.  I live with the daily guilt of having delivered this pain and difficulty to the woman I love, but her rejections make me feel dirty, diseased and horrible.

Her outbreaks (5-6 over in the 11 years) have been mainly external at the posterior end of her vagina.  I understand they are very painful.  She has not let me perform oral sex on her since her first outbreak, 11 years ago and its beginning to become a problem in our relationship.  She is so uncomfortable if I even move below her bellybutton, or kiss her thighs, but she has no reservations about kissing me on the mouth

Will my performing oral sex on her without any protection increase the number of outbreaks for either of us?  Will the outbreaks be more painful?  (obviously not performing oral sex during an outbreak for either of us)

She has no issue with my using my saliva on my fingers to manually stimulate her, including insertion.  Is there a possibility there with increasing outbreaks?  It doesn’t seem so, as we engage in this activity multiple times per week.

I don’t see using a dental dam as an option.  Could a product like NewSkin or Liquid Bandage on my lips act as a sufficient barrier to creating more outbreaks if that is the case from my previous question?

Thank you, Terri.  My wife and I read your reply together and we both appreciate your knowledge.

Correction: my wife was tested on her first outbreak, and it was HSV-1.

Clarification: I do not have any sores on my genitals.  For me its my lips, and for her its her genitals.

Can you please confirm or correct these statements?

1- If I am not having an outbreak, its OK for me to perform oral on her?

2- If I am unsure if I am "shedding" cells, its OK for me to perform oral sex on her?

3- If I am currently having an outbreak, could my performing oral sex on her cause her an outbreak?

The site of her irritation has changed.  The first time is was on the posterior end of her vagina. What she now considers an outbreak is more of a thin slit in the skin in the folds of her labia majora.  The feeling is the same in the new location.  Is this typical or cause for concern?  Could this be something different?

Her vaginal area is much more sensitive ever since.  She says she'd just enjoy oral sex less. Is this typical?  Any irritation causes her the feeling of a new outbreak.

Do you have any suggestions to help her overcome her mental block regarding her receiving oral sex?

Curious (and for others reading), do you think the Liquid Bandage or New Skin medications could work between an HSV-1 infected person and one who is not.

Thank you so much!