Welcome to our Forum.  I'll be pleased to comment.  This was a no risk exposure for all STIs, including HIV and hepatitis viruses.  There is no need for concern or for testing.  Similarly, the issue of your guilt is a social issue, noting more and I would urge you not to beat yourself over this exposure.  You have not exposed anyone else to STI from what you tell me and that would be the major reason for feeling guilty.

To expand on this, the non-penetrative rubbing ou describe is called "frottage" and is a no risk event for HIV and most other STIs.  (If she were naked there might be a (very) tiny risk for acquisition of a genital ulcer disease such as herpes or syphilis but with her underwear on, there is NO RISK at all. )  No STIs are transmitted through clothing, even shear underwear and even if the clothing gets wet with genital secretions- still no risk.

As far as the receipt of oral sex is concerned- similarly no risk but for different reasons. Condoms remain the most effective means of STI prevention following exposure and I have never heard of any STI being acquired following receipt of condom-protected oral sex.  Had the sex been unprotected there would be a small risk for acquisition of gonorrhea or non-chlamydial NGU but with a condom there is no risk.  You can be confident that your condom remained intact if you did not notice a complete rip of the condom following sex- when condoms fail they break wide open, leaving no doubt that they failed- condoms do not "leak" and there is no reason to check on them by filling them with water after sex- no visible break it worked.

Bottom line, this was a no risk event- no reason to test, no reason for concern and no reason for guilt.  I hope this comment is helpful to you. Please ask if there are further questions.  EWH

While I understand your apprehension and your desire to put this behind you, I do not recommend it.  The earliest possible test for HIV would be an RNA PCR tests which are said to provide definitive results by 10-14 days after exposure.  No tests will provide accurate results at 3 days..  These tests (RNA PCR) are commercially available and cost at least twice as much as other highly sensitive tests for HIV which take a bit longer to provide definitive results.  On the basis of your history however, I once again can tell you with 100% confidence that you do not need to be tested and to pay for testing would be a waste of both your time and money.

I should also point out to you that the HIV RNA PCR tests do occasionally yield false positive results (about 1% of the time).  False positive tests with other tests such as 4th generation, combination HIV antigen/antibody tests have a much lower false positive rate - about 1/100th of 1% or less. 

Testing is available at many sites throughout NYC but I have no information about where you might get a free test.  I would suggest calling the Health Department or one of the many HIV advocacy organizations in NY.

I hope my comments have been helpful.  this is my third reply to your questions and therefore, as per Forum Guidelines, there will be no further responses and this thread will be closed in a few hors.  Take care.  EWH