I (straight male) for many years have been fearful of getting STDs/STIs and subsequently giving it and of the shame that would be attached; partly because I am unsure of how I could contract it. I've inquired in the past in various ways only to leave me riddled by ambiguous responses. I am looking for a conclusive answer in how I could get STDs in anticipation of eliminating the fear and agoraphobia so that I could move on and express myself freely in this area. I've never had STDs before at least I tested negative for it but every time I get involved with a woman Im plagued with intense anxiety about having it or that she has it and/or been given it by someone else she has been with. Please advise.

Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your question.---

Thank you Dr. Handsfield. I did find comfort in your response. Ideally, I am interested in settling down mutually exclusive with someone. During the process of meeting someone, before I could get comfortable, before we would get tested eventually perhaps (certainly I), I suppose that I could use my best judgement in deciding when to have any sexual interaction. However, my best judgement is still somewhat ignorant of what is "safe" other than what may seem common sense. I think about kissing, oral sex, massages with happy endings, and lastly an appetent foot fetish. I may not feel comfortable doing certain things I would have done years back, but what are relatively safe behaviors for a single person?

Most of the sexual practices you mention carry little or no risk for any STD and are entirely safe. That includes kissing, massage, and any kind of skin to skin contact (or oral-skin or genital-skin exposure) that might occur in someone with a foot fetish. Unprotected oral sex is also considered safe sex, with far lower STD risk than vaginal or anal sex for all STDs and zero risk for some. Condom protected vaginal or anal sex is low risk, but not zero for skin to skin infections (e.g. herpes, HPV) because of skin contact above the condom; and of course risks all STDs in the occasional event of condom breakage. However, as implied in my reply above, I would endorse all these practices as representing a reasonable compromise between sexual fullfillment and sexual safety.---

Very well. Final remarks: How long after an exposure could I reasonably be certain that I have not contracted any STD? In other words, hypothetically, if I were given an STD, what is the latest in time could any infection surface - considering most STDS are mild, nonsymptomatic, and cleared by the immune system? Further, is it that simple to become infected? Lastly, you mention to withdraw from sexual activity if either I or my partner show common symptoms of STIs. One partner in the past, I think mutually exclusive (not too sure about her) had vaginal odor for a period. When it was brought up she took care of it with a soap of such I believe. It started to go away afterwards but it wasn't long before we parted ways (for other reasons). That was likely a bacterial infection correct? I want to conclude with a humble and respectful appreciation for what you do and being available for people who need this education and struggle with the topic. Best regards.

Whether or not you can be "reasonably certain" you didn't catch an STD depends largely on the nature of the relationship, specific sexual practices (vaginal vs oral sex, for example), and condom use. But assuming you fear a possibility your partner might be infected, most STDs cause few or no symptoms. Therefore, the only way to be "reasonably certain" is to be tested. But even this isn't foolprooof; there are no reliable tests for some STDs (HPV for example). But after any single exposure, you could always be tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV and syphilis, the four main STDs detected by routine testing.---