[Question #2181] How do I protect myself

87 months ago

I have tried to do a full std panel as you advised in my previous thread but I was not able to do the hiv test. I went to a private lab to test but the manager advised me to go to the government hospital since I was too distress and I need pre and post counseling. I have decided to go to the GUM clinic when I am in the UK this summer to test. However I did the chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis and all came back negative. My problem is the lab did blood test for all the test but I read you cannot do blood test for chlamydia and gonorrhea. I questioned the lab and they said it's an antibodies test so it's the best. What's your opinion on this? Since my last exposure in September last year, I have read a lot about hiv transmission and I have learned that condoms are not 100% safe so the best is to abstain from extra marital affairs. I have assessed my life and I have realised that it was risky to sleep with about 4 or so women in one year albeit "protected". I have confessed to my wife and she has forgiven me although I raised my concerns about my hiv scare. She used to work in a lab and she calmed me down by saying hiv is quite a complicated virus and based on what I have told her I will be very unlucky to catch it. She has seen few cases of pregnant wifes who tested positive and husbands testing negative. Also she said almost all guys who come there to test because of condoms failures are negative although some of these exposures occurred with confirmed hiv patients. Although I have tried to abstain yesterday I visited a lady friend at her home and one thing led to other. She became fully naked rubbed her bare vagina on my penis although I was in my trousers. My penis intact in my trousers was inside the hole in her vagina and she was thrusting and she came. I could feel my penis had somehow entered the vagina hole although not too deep because of my trousers. I want to know whether this is safe or should have rather had full sex with her with a condom.yyyyyyyyyy

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

87 months ago

Welcome back to the fourm.

First, you are mistaken about 4 condom protected sexual exposures with women as putting you at high risk for HIV. It did not. The average transmission risk for a single episode of vaginal sex, if the woman has HIV, is about once for every 2,000 exposures. So even if all 4 women had HIV (probably they did not) and if you had not used condoms at all, the chance you caught HIV is around 1 in 500.

Second, I do not understand the business about the private lab not testing you for HIV. You don't need their permission to test, and you do not need to wait until you go to UK. Feel free to delay if you wish, but I still recommend you be tested as soon as possible. It will be negative, and probably more reassuring than my advice based on probability and statistics.

Third, you were misinformed about antibody testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia. These tests are done in some countries, but almost never in sophisticated, industrialized countries. We have never once done a blood test for these infections in my clinic; we don't even have the test available. The proper test in men is a urine DNA test (or urethral swab, if there is visible discharge). If not available where you are now, this is the test they will do in a UK GUM clinics.

Fourth, I do not understand your behavior. You are deathly (and somewhat irrationally) fearful about HIV and other STDs, and yet you put yourself at risk by visiting a "lady friend in her home" and yet were "surprised" to end up having sex. That is bizarre and I do not believe it. You went there for sex, right? However, it was entirely safe: neither HIV nor other STDs can be transmitted through clothing. And of course if there was a "hole" in your clothing that allowed direct penile penetration, the hole would be obvious. So that clearly did not happen.

Most likely you can safely have sex with your wife, without a condom. However, I cannot guarantee it -- and if you do that, I suspect you'll become even more irrationally anxious. So it probably is best for you to hold off -- and also have no sex of any kind with anyone else -- until you can get properly tested with a urine chlamydia/gonorrhea test and an HIV blood test -- either now or after you return to the UK.

Best wishes-- HHH, MD

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87 months ago

Thank you for your reply. I know it was a stupid idea to visit a single woman in her house. When I was going there I intentionally refused to carry a condom as a motivation not to have sex.

I do not know the reason why I am so scared that I have contracted hiv. I believe it's due to certain symptoms in the last couple of years. About 3 years ago I believed I had hiv due to constant malaise although I never had sex outside my marriage after my last test. My test proved I was negative at that time.

This time I believe my problem is also due to certain symptoms I have and my 18 months old son getting sick every other month. Sometimes I think I have infected the mum and she too might have infected him when she was breastfeeding.

Scientifically you have assured me that I didn't put my self at risk through condom use. Also the only time I suspected the condom came off I took pep and also the lady in question sent me a negative test result. Although I sometimes goes into "what if" thoughts as far as the above encounters are concern, what really troubles me is the foreplay I had with the other lady where I tried to penetrate her with my boxer shorts covering my penis. On the internet I read the clothes can be soaked with the secretion and can enter your blood stream.

This will be my last thread here until i have gone to test as I believe that will be the only solution. Please wish me luck.

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

87 months ago

I'm glad you understand that your fears of HIV have no scientific basis. Do your best to separate your anxiety, guilt and perhaps shame over some sexual decisions you regret from the medical consequences of those decisions. They aren't the same.

This thread will remain open until you post your HIV test result, but no more than a month, when threads are closed if there is no activity. Please note the forum does not permit repeated questions on the same topic or exposure. This will have to be your last one; future new questions about this exposure, testing, and your fears about HIV or other STDs will be deleted without reply and without refund of the posting fee. This policy is based on compassion, not criticism, and is designed to reduce temptations to keep paying for questions with obvious answers. In addition, experience shows that continued answers tend to prolong users' anxieties rather than reducing them. Finally, such questions have little educational value for other users, one of the forum's main purposes. I trust you will understand.

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