[Question #260] Herpes Transmittal

36 months ago
8 days ago I went to a strip club.  I accepted a private dance.  We went to a room with a couch.  The stripper removed all her clothes.  She started dancing and rubbing against me.  A couple of times she shoved her butt into my face.  A couple of times she shoved her pussy into my mouth area.  At one point, I stuck out my tongue and licked her pussy.  It was dry.  We also kissed a lot.  She undid my belt, lifted my shirt and rubbed her body on my stomach.  At one point she pulled down my jeans but not my underwear and rubbed that area with her body and bit my penis through my underwear.  The encounter lasted around 30 minutes and I did not notice anything suspicious about her.  A few days later I spoke with her and she assured me that she had been tested the week before and was disease free.  So far I do not have symptoms.  

My primary concern is my wife.  So far I have avoided kissing her but she's getting suspicious.  I'd rather not hurt her by telling her what I did but I certainly do not want to pass someone like herpes onto her as well.  We are older and have had virtually no sexual contact.  We only kiss goodbye and that's usually a light peck on the lips.  Two separate public health nurses have advised that the risk of continuing this peck on the lips is low and less harmful than "blowing up my relationship" by telling her what I did.  I know I can't get tested for weeks so I'm stuck.

I believe my contact was risky but likely not infectious.  I also believe that so long as I don't have an outbreak a peck on the lips is probably not harmful.  But nothing is assured.

What are the risks to my wife if I recommence these light pecks on the lips?  My own health issues I can handle but its her health and our relationship that is the most concerning.  Thank you.
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
36 months ago
I do not feel that anything that you did presents a real risk for acquisition of an STD.  Some people might say that your brief mouth contact with her genitals presents some risk but honestly, I don't think so.  It sounds like it was short and without vaginal secretions.  None of the rubbing worries me.  Let me ask you - have you ever in your life had a cold sore on your lip?  The other slight risk is you getting HSV 1 from kissing her a lot but if you are older, as you state, the likelihood is that you already have HSV 1 infection.  If you have not, you might want to test with IgG antibody at this point to get a baseline antibody result for HSV 1.  And nothing you have told me makes me worry about you kissing your wife, particularly in the way that you describe.  And I would actually agree that the risk of acquisition of an STD is so incredibly low that it is not necessary to discuss this with your wife at this point. 
Please let me know what other questions you might have.

Terri
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36 months ago
Thank you so much for your reply.  I am 67 years of age.  When I was a child I had cold sores.  But not in years.  As far as the IgG test is concerned, would it do me any good to get one now?  I know the antibodies take time and I've heard everything from 3 weeks to 10 weeks and beyond would be the timeline for a test to completely rule out HSV2.  Also I was told that if HSV2 was transmitted through my mouth, it would present with the HSV1 symptoms in the mouth and not the genitals.   And that's what I would pass on by kissing and not genital herpes.
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
36 months ago
As long as you have ever had cold sores in your lifetime, you have antibody to HSV 1 and acquiring it from here via kissing is not a risk.  It also would not be useful then to get a baseline antibody test for HSV 1.  If you do decide to test for HSV 2, you should wait 12 weeks but honestly, this seems so unlikely to me.  If you test positive for HSV 2, it would have been from a contact well before this.  Have you had other sex partner than your wife in your lifetime?

Terri
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36 months ago
I have been married 30+ years.  No sexual contact of any kind until December 2014.  I met a girl and at the end of the meeting, I lightly kissed her three brief times.  In early September of this year, I went to a different strip club and had four private dances.  In this club, the dancers were topless but not bottomless.   There was no kissing but they did rub their bodies against my face and chest.  I was also allowed to grab their butts.  Two days before the strip club incident I met a young girl (29) at a movie theater.  During about an hour there, I basically played with her breasts.  I also kissed her a few times.  On two occasions, I rubbed her pussy with my hand and twice I fingered her.  She was very wet and I wiped my finger off on the side of the adjoining seat and later washed my hands after urinating.   And finally  over the course of the last couple of months, I went to this massage person three times and got hand jobs.  I was allowed to touch the tops of her breasts.  And that's it.  
36 months ago
I have been married 30+ years.  No sexual contact of any kind until December 2014.  I met a girl and at the end of the meeting, I lightly kissed her three brief times.  In early September of this year, I went to a different strip club and had four private dances.  In this club, the dancers were topless but not bottomless.   There was no kissing but they did rub their bodies against my face and chest.  I was also allowed to grab their butts.  Two days before the strip club incident I met a young girl (29) at a movie theater.  During about an hour there, I basically played with her breasts.  I also kissed her a few times.  On two occasions, I rubbed her pussy with my hand and twice I fingered her.  She was very wet and I wiped my finger off on the side of the adjoining seat and later washed my hands after urinating.   And finally  over the course of the last couple of months, I went to this massage person three times and got hand jobs.  I was allowed to touch the tops of her breasts.  And that's it.  
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
36 months ago
I am not concerned about you kissing others because you already have HSV 1.  I'm not concerned about rubbing their bodies.  Playing with breasts is not an issue.  Fingering someone else with no breaks in the skin is not a risk for an STI.  Washing your hands after masturbating this person was an excellent idea but wiping your finger on the adjoining seat has a bit of a yuck factor, don't you think?  All in all John, I think you're fine to once again kiss your wife.

Terri
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