[Question #302] Probability of herpes?

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101 months ago
After reading a number of other posts, I'm sure this will seem like a redundancy, but I am not doing well at alleviating my fears.
Two days ago, I had outercourse with a man I'm casually dating. We kissed and French kissed. I gave him a hand job, but when he did finally ejaculate, he did it himself and ejaculated only on himself. I kept my underwear on for a majority of the encounter. He has his underwear off and he rubbed his penis against my upper thighs and I did feel some wetness. When his underwear was off, I did not let him lay on me in missionary position, but I did let him when he had underwear on and he ground against me so I felt his penis against my vagina but we both had underwear on. Later I washed my hands twice since I had masturbated him without a barrier, I removed my underwear and let him watch me as I touched myself. Over the course of the encounter, there was touching, kissing , his mouth on my breasts, and grinding, but no penetrative sex of any kind ( no oral, vaginal, or anal sex. And he at no time touched or fingered me)
So my question is :
1. What is the possibility of getting oral hsv1 from this encounter since no sore was present on him ( I was tested for hsv1 in July and was negative) and he sent me a selfie the next day and he still had no sore on his lips.
2. What is the possibility of getting hsv2 from the grinding and "dry humping" and his penis on my thigh. ( I was also tested for hsv2 and was also negative)

I asked him about herpes and he said he had cold sores as a kid, but hasn't had them in a long time, and he said he had "no stds" and had been tested in July, but I assume that it didn't include herpes testing since it isn't common.

Even still, I have anxiety and I'm waiting at every moment for signs of herpes to show up now. I know this is my own worry, but I need to know what my actual risk might be because I want to be prepared to face the results of my choice. What is the possibility I caught oral or vaginal herpes from this encount
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Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
101 months ago
first, your HSV 1 antibody test is about 75% sensitive - that is, the screening test for HSV 1 misses about 1 out of 4 infections.  So you likely are negative for HSV 1 but the test is certainly not perfect.  If you truly are negative for HSV 1, and he has a history of cold sores, then it is possible that you would contract HSV 1, yes, from kissing, but not at all likely because it was a one time thing and the chances that he would be shedding enough to infect you on the day that you kissed are quite small.  More than half the population has HSV 1 infection and I'm guessing that you have probably kissed other people in your life that have HSV 1 infection and either know it or don't know it.  It's kind of one of the small risks of living and loving I'm afraid - about 70% of those infected with HSV 1 don't know it so even asking if someone has had a history of cold sores does not eliminate the possibility that they are infected with HSV 1.  I would say if you are truly negative for HSV 1, if you did acquire HSV 1 from him from kissing, you would likely see symptoms within 2-10 days, on your mouth. 

In terms of HSV 2, I have zero concerns about that.  You just didn't have the right kind of contact for the transmission of HSV 2.
I'm sorry I cannot give you exact statistics on what the chances are that you would acquire HSV 1 in this situation, we just don't have them.  I can only say that I believe they are really small.

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101 months ago
Thank you so much for your response. You have helped. I hate that I have bad anxiety over this considering how many people in the world live with both (and much more) and have full lives. It makes me feel like a shallow person. I'm still scared and worried and doing myself no favors. But I can't thank you enough for your patience and willingness to help answer questions from me and Im sure the countless others like me.

I am working with a therapist to help me with my anxiety, but I know that my fears will not fully abate until Im "in the clear" as it were. Its now been 4.5 - 5 days since the exposure and nothing has shown up yet but I am still in the "window" correct? After how many days can I be certain that "well, if I had it, it would have shown up by now!". Ive seen other posts in the forum mention that on average it shows up in 2 - 5 days after exposure, or is that only for HSV2 (which I have also shown no signs of at this point)? Can I try to tell my fears that Im in the clear yet?