[Question #3159] are you able to not get herpes for 30 with infected partner

40 months ago
i was recently tested positive for type 2 herpes virus. Blood text was negative no antibody which was done first then spot an genitals was cultured which came back positive which i understand  to be a recent exposure and had back pain,fever,tired.First doctor gave me advice to forgive wife of 28 years. My wife says her first sexual encounter when she was 19  she had a bad rash but never was tested or went to doctor and that is where it most have come from.She was texted and came back positive for type 2 also, Second Dr. hers said it was possible to lay dormant for that long ,third Dr.  from CDC would not commit to a real answer to weather I could not get this for 28 years with a healthy sex life of 1-3 times a week. Fourth Dr. has stated there is only a 2% chance of not being exposed for that long .So ,as you can see I have got a lot of different answers. All i ask is you opinion with any facts to back it up, if this is possible.  Thank you for your reply so i  can start to heal emotional the way i choose to either by moving on,forgiveness or accepting her to be truthful. It has been a good marriage for 28 yrs but is strained and we are looking for answers.
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
40 months ago
It is absolutely possible to have sex with your wife for 28 years and not get her herpes.  I have seen it many many times in my practice specializing in herpes for 33 years. The transmission rate from infected females to uninfected males is about 4% per year, having sex about twice per week.  And that is not cumulative!  So each year the risk starts over - that means there is about a 96% chance you won't become infected in a year.   There is another possibility here - the IgG test misses 8% of HSV 2 infections so you could actually have been infected for many years and the test didn't pick it up.  Both are completely reasonable explanations for the situation in which you find yourself.  But here is a more important question.  You've been married to the same person for 28 years - is it your impression that she's had another sex partner?  Before the spot appeared, did you doubt her fidelity?  If not, then go with your gut here.  Because in your heart of hearts, I'll bet you know the answer to this question.

Please let me know what other questions you might have.

Terri
---