[Question #3265] Ashamed and Scared to Death

38 months ago
I am so ashamed. After a night of heavy drinking four days ago, a friend and I visited a massage parlor. Long story short, the girl put the condom on at the beginning. The protected oral sex lasted about 30 seconds (perhaps less), and then had protected vaginal sex for probably less than a minute before I lost my erection. The condom remained on and do not think it could have failed. If her genital area came in contact with something below the condom, I don't remember it and it would have been very brief contact (as in less than a second). I tried to masterbate and took off the condom after a few seconds to do so, but I could not get another erection.

I've driving myself crazy looking at various forums. I think I know the risk was low, but I don't know if I need testing or not. I've never done anything like this and just want to know if the chances of contracting an STI are low enough that I don't need to worry. I do intend to seek counseling because I don't understand what made me do it.

No symptoms of anything except heavy, heavy stress and anxiety.

Thanks.
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
38 months ago
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your question.

My first reaction is to congratulate you for having safe sex in this situation -- despite your apparently inebriated state! zThis was a very low risk exposure, with little chance of any STD. I conclude this for several reasons. FIrst, at any point in time, most women like the massage worker do not have transmissible STDs. Second, she seems even lower risk than average, considering her taking the initiative in making sure you were condom protected. Third, condoms work:  a certain amount of skin to skin contact always occurs despite condom use, but still remains low risk, because STDs are not commonly transmitted by skin to skin contact. Fourth, in regard to the oral sex part of it, even without a condom oral sex is safe sex, with low risk for all STDs and zero for some --- and with a condom, truly zero risk for all.

So I don't see any need for testing for anything, and I see no potential of this event causing risk for other sex partner(s) you may have now or in the future.

My final advice is to not beat yourself up over a very common, very human series of events. In the overall scheme of life and health, this wasn't a big deal. But of course if you continue to regret it and feel you need counseling about it, by all means go ahead. 

I hope this information is helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD
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38 months ago
Doctor, thank you so much for your quick reply. I've read so many of the various posts in different forums (including those written by you) that I think I've replaced a pornography addiction with an internet forum addiction (a problem for a different doctor, obviously). 

I just really wanted more direct consultation, which you provided. I haven't slept more than an hour in four days. Again, thank you.
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
38 months ago
Thanks for the thanks. I hope my comments will help you get some rest!---