[Question #3334] Follow up - apologies and thank you

36 months ago
Hello, I conversed with Dr. HHH last time. I realize I may be scolded for posting again, but I had a terrible experience over the weekend and needed to clear my mind of the guilt and make sure again I did not put my wife at risk.

Again, to recap, had an out of wedlock exposure and I fully admit my paranoia may be strictly guilt driven as I was not worried about STD's until an unprotected episode with my wife 12 days after my incident. My risk or no risk involved mutual m a s t u r b a t i o n, her fluids on my hands while I felt myself as well as, post alarmingly to me, her fluids on her hands when she (uninvited) inserted them relatively rough into me for a minute or so until I told her to stop.

My test results were enough in Dr.s opinion. 19 day 5th generation, 26 day rna, 36 day 4th generation, 68 day oraquick, and I just wanted to put a bow on it with an 84 day oraquick. All neg. I was finally at the end of this week satisfied. Also had chlymidia and ghonnorea checked at the 19 day mark and they were neg.

Then...my wife just on Saturday came down with a TERRIBLE nosebleed, something she hasnt come close to experiencing in the 15+ years I've known her. Over an hour long, literally at an hour a big clot came out and it stopped. We were at the ER when this happened. I've read the possibility of a low platelet issue in ARS, and she would have been at 70 days on the nose since our only unprotected event since. Blood results came back that everything was normal besides, of course, platelet count. While that was techinically in normal range it was on the borderline of low. She also happened to be on her period, I'm not sure if that has an impact on anything. I will note, on that subject, that since our unprotected incident her periods have been coming slightly closer together, from about 27/28 days per to 24/25 over the last few months. 

I was in a complete panic and still am over how I handle this. I will tell my wife of my indiscretion and work through it with her ONE day


36 months ago
But I wanted that to be the day I was confident I never put her at risk. Am I doing her a disservice with her recent episode? My marriage is incredibly important to me (as is keeping my family together) but it cant be placed over the important of her health. Should I tell her/her doctors that she needs to be tested? 
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
36 months ago
Welcome back, but sorry you have found it necessary.

From my initial reply in your thread a couple of weeks ago:

"This was a zero risk exposure for HIV, which is not transmitted by fingering, massage, etc. In addition, it is statistically unlikely your partner haD HIV.  Your symptoms also do not suggest HIV. But the exposure and your symptoms really don’t matter anyway. Your test results prove 100% you were not infected.  HIV testing always over rules exposure history and symptoms. Even if you had a very high risk exposure or typical symptoms, the test results are conclusive. So no worries and no need for further testing."

Similarly, your test result overrule your wife's syptoms. In any case, HIV is not a rational explanation for a nosebleed, and HIV also has no effect on menstrual pattern. The vast majority of nosebleeds are not due to low platelets anyway; and low platelets would never be the only sign of a new HIV infection.

As for being "in a complete panic and still am over how I handle this", all I can do is suggest 1) doing your best to believe and trust your test results, not to mention the opinions of several doctors, according to your other thread; and if your anxieties about it continue, seek professional counseling. As I said last time, there are very abnormal, irrational responses and suggest an underlying mental health issue as the main problem. I suggest it out of compassion, not criticism.

Before asking any follow-up questions, please carefully read both this reply and all that I said in your other thread. I won't re-answer anything that has already been covered.

Best wishes--  HHH, MD

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36 months ago
Dr., I really appreciate your sympathy and again apologize about I guess my stubbornness, for lack of a better term. I really, truly was feeling better about this the past week or so, and after the 84 day oraquick (although I realize you already told me the other tests were conclusive) I felt an enormous weight off of my shoulders. I started eating again and even slept a little. 

Seeing the nosebleed was jarring, not only because my wife is generally the picture of health until recently (i mentioned in previous thread she had some light bleeding during fingering back in January) and of course that's pretty bad timing with what we're discussing. The nose was profuse too, it was all over the bathroom and my toddlers were in the area which had my mind racing and playing that I guess irrational game thinking that I got her infected and now them too. My brain is a bad place to be right now.

I was relieved that her blood came back normal. It bothers me that this happened and I like more of an explanation, but I realize there's notihng there you can help me with. However, i DO have a new question for you. My focus, I guess irrationally has been HIV. I was tested for the other 2 mentioned. Is there anything else I should be tested for based on the exposure (syphillis, herpes, etc). And, with that, if passed to my wife would anything be responsible for a nose bleed or the menstraul issues? I put aside the issue of my 3 palpable posterior cervical lymph nodes, but this weekend after the events I checked and low and behold they are still there. For at least 2 months now I have these nodes. I guess I deserve this torture for what I've done...but it just seems like such a coincidence. I have had Dr's examine them and none are concerned. They are in fact palpable, but every DR. has said they arent swollen. I got a U/S and they appeared normal, with the biggest one being just over 9mm. I guess my last question to you, on that note as a dr., is that I've read online (i know, i know) that these nodes wouldnt be palpable unless infected or swollen. But obviously the dr's ive seen seem to think they're fine. I will try to leave with these 2 questions and hopefully leave you in peace afterwards. Thanks for your patience Dr....it does mean a lot. 
36 months ago
ah, and REALLY the last question is I guess tied into the other STD questions. With 19 day urine analysis saying ghonnorea and chlamydia not detectable, if there's no real risk for other std's should i finally allow myself to be with her again? I guess you can answer that question by just giving your opinion on any other STD I may have been at risk for or if the 19 day for those 2 was sufficient. Thanks again for everything and I wish you all of the best.
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
36 months ago
Re "more of sn explanation" of your wife's nosebleed:  Like 99% of all medical events and illnesses, it probably was just random. Don't go looking for causes that probably don't exist.

I've already explained that your test results show you don't have HIV. What exactly did you think I meant by my comment in your previous thread and repeated above, that "HIV testing always over rules exposure history and symptoms"??? I'm not going to answer these questions or any other that speculate about an impossibility. 

And yes, you can safely resume or continue relations with your wife.

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36 months ago
Alright.  Thank you and I understand RE: HIV. In fairness, I was curious about your opinion on palpable posterior nodes and if they can be permanently palpable without being swollen. 

Also, apologies if it's dense of me but one question I asked that i don't think you answered...putting aside HIV, is there anything else I should have been tested for that i neglected?

That's it. I appreciate your final answer and hope you never hear from me again. Thanks for everything you do for people like me and more rational people as well.

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
36 months ago
"palpable posterior nodes and if they can be permanently palpable without being swollen."  Sure. This is quite common. Once inflamed and enlarged for any reason, slight enlargement may continue for life.

The answer to your "test for anything else question" is obvious from my replies above:  If there was no risk for any infection, there is no need to be tested for any infection.

Thanks for the thanks about our services. However, I'm going to have to ask this be your last question along these lines. The forum does not permit repeated questions on the same topic or exposure. Threads with such questions are typically closed, usually without reply and without refund of the posting fee. This policy is based on compassion, not criticism, and is designed to reduce temptations to keep paying for questions with obvious answers. In addition, experience shows that continued answers tend to prolong users' anxieties rather than reducing them. Finally, such questions have little educational value for other users, one of the forum's main purposes. I trust you will understand.

Best wishes and stay safe.

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