I am male.  In monogamous relationship except for following. Received unprotected oral from csw, no apparent coldsores, on Day 1.  On Day 8 checked for gonorrhea and chlamydia, Negative.  On Day 9, found one white spot in groin.  Panic set in.  Spent night in bathroom gagging and then with chills.  And much of next day in bed.  No fever.  Day 10 there are small raised spots on scrotum.  Almost like large goosebumps. Further panic.  Went to STI clinic Day 11, they said spots are not herpes and other symptoms are combo of panic and being a human in this world.  In fact do not look like blisters.  Now Day 14 and spots are still there, gone on some spots more in others. Still feeling lousy, mostly chills and weakness w/ stuffy nose and some nausea and some pain in lymph nodes w/o real apparent swelling.  Also beginning Day 13, some very occasional and vague headache.  So, I know that on many levels this does not sound like herpes.  But on others it does and the timing is very coincidental if it is not.  Will be re-tested for gonnorrhea and chalmydia and HIV w/ RNA tomorrow just to 100% put those to bed on Day 15. This is killing me.  Thank you.

Just looked at first post -- also engaged in protected vaginal sex.

Have you ever in your life had a cold sore on your lip or in your nose?  If yes, that is almost certainly HSV 1 which is what you would have gotten from receiving oral sex.  You mention one spot -where in the groin?  Was it a blister, an ulcer, a scab?  What sort of white spot?  All the nausea and weakness symptoms are likely from the panic, I agree. 

Terri
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Thanks Terri.  The white spot was in my groin area, right where the leg joins the body.  It went away without more in a day or two.  The other marks that look like goosebumps are on my scrotum.  They are definitely not blisters.  The nurse practitioner I saw at clinic said my skin was 100% normal and has a name for these bumps; I just cannot remember what she said.  On your other question, I have not ever had a cold sore.  So I have (1) some minor and painless skin issue that does not seem to me or a nurse practitioner to be consistent and (2) "flu like symptoms" that based on what I have read here are not the sort that generally come w/ herpes -- plus I understand it is unusual to have actual herpes induced flu symptoms w/o the blisters.  Three questions then: (1) Doesn't herpes usually show up the first time where the skin is exposed -- which would suggest on the shaft of my penis (from oral) or on my thighs from protected vaginal?

sebaceous cysts? 
Yes, with new infection, sores generally show up in the area exposed - the penis the first time. 
So yes, I think herpes is quite unlikely in this situation.
Has your wife ever had a cold sore in her lifetime?  If yes, then she is already infected with the virus that you were potentially exposed to anyway from the oral sex.
I can't tell you with 100% certainty that sex with your wife is fine but I can tell you that I think herpes infection in your situation is extremely unlikely.

Terri
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This site is an incredible resource that has helped me through a tough (albeit self-inflicted) time.  Thank you.  To your questions, I am fairly certain the nurse said that the spots I do have are papules.  Now that I remember that and then google, it seems clear that these are fordyce spots.    I also think that my wife has had cold sores but also know that she is prone to canker sores so it is hard to sort.  All set for now.