[Question #3893] Finished a new situationship and scared

32 months ago
Hello doctors. I love this website because you all guided me on my situation from last year. Well, it has been a new year and after being celibate for a year, I met someone new. We were seeing each other for the past 4 months and had sex a total of 10 times. However, the 11th time that we had sex it was UNPROTECTED, he came in me TWICE in one night. This was 4 weeks ago. I have been keeping an eye out for sores and itchiness and strange discharge. So far no symptoms. I asked him time and time again about STDs and safe sex before we started having sex and after sex. He told me he is fine. I am starting to doubt him because I just found out that he was sleeping with me and another girl. The story is complicated. I am not sure if he is sleeping with this girl or if she's a family member of his and I am mistaken. She will not tell me who she is to him! I suspect a family member but I am not sure. It's no telling who he else he has been with maybe I am overreacting. I caught trich in the past and do not want another STD I slipped up just two times. 

I then had another encounter with him unprotected that was very brief. This incident was over a week ago. This incident did not lead to ejaculation because it was very short. The moment got interrupted because the bed broke on us!  

Is it possible that I have STD or HIV? We are both African American and we live in south ga/north Florida. Not sure if that would help any. I keep seeing things about HIV AND  I think that it is a sign. Please tell me my risks? I have no symptoms of STD or HIV but some can go asymptomatic I have a GYN appointment in July and I was going to get checked for everything then being that symptoms aren't presenting itself now.  I am a heterosexual female
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
32 months ago
Welcome back to the forum, but I'm sorry you found it necessary. Dr. Hook and I exchanged an email about this and your past use of the forum (this is your ninth question). We are glad you have found it helpful, but we think you are overusing it. We seek to provide general information that will help people make safe sexual decisions and/or seek care when necessary, but not to advise people about risks from particular exposures. As Dr. Hook said in past threads before this one, you should endeavor to stop doctor shopping but instead stick with a single gynecologist you trust; and stop focusing so much on minor symptoms, especially given your low overall risk for STDs; and also stop worrying so much about seemingly every new sexual partnership. All in all, based on your own sexual lifestyle and that of your partners, including the one described here, you are at low risk for STDs (despite your bad luck in acquiring trichomonas a year or so ago). Rather than testing after every new exposure or focusing on minor genital or other symptoms after each event, it would be better to a) choose partners with care, b) use condoms consistently for new exposures, and c) get tested regularly (e.g. once a year? or maybe every 6 months?) for common or STDs like gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV. This is what we routinely recommend for our own patients, and indeed for our own family members when they ask.

You seem to be aware that the overall risk of STDs is higher in African Americans than in other racial/ethnic groups in the US. On that basis, somewhat more testing might be a good idea (e.g. 6 months rather than a year.) (And by the way, that elevated risk has nothing to do with average numbers of sex partners, which is no higher in AAs than in whites or those of Asian or Latino ancestry. But this complex topic goes beyond the scope of this reply.)

Turning to this particular exposure, it doesn't sound especially risky. Unless your partner reveals that he currently has a particular STD that would dictate testing, I don't think testing is necessary at this time.

Finally, I'm going to repeat something I said in one of your distant past threads:  Please note the forum does not permit repeated questions on the same topic. This policy is based on compassion, not criticism, and is designed to reduce temptations to keep paying for questions with obvious answers. In addition, experience shows that continued answers tend to prolong users' anxieties rather than reducing them. Finally, such questions have little educational value for other users, one of the forum's main purposes. I trust you will understand.

But I do hope these comments are helpful. Best wishes and stay safe.

HHH, MD
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32 months ago
Hey Dr. Thanks a lot and I will not use the forum for minor issues. I was taught that after unprotected sex it's best to get tested for everything even if it is just one or two times. Im sorry I did not mention that the gyn is my regular gyn now and I have to check up with her for issues with fibroids. I wad thinking that maybe it would be wise to check up for stds then. 
Also, I know my risk is low but what if I am unlucky again and end up with HIV? 

I did not see ant visible sores, sperm looked regular, and when asked about his status for the upteenth time he denied having anything. 
I am just concerned thats all. How will I know if I had a major risk so that I will not freak out over everything? 
Is it possible I acquired a STD from him? 
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
32 months ago
Most experts would consider it overly conservative an unnecessary to be tested after any and all episodes of unprotected sex. If you want to do it, that's fine -- but you don't need the approval of this forum to advise you for or against testing after any particular exposure. Also, it's fine to test for STDs whenever the opportunity presents itself, such as when seeing a gyn for an unrelated problem -- but only if there has been potential risk of infection since previous testing.

There is no guaranteed way to know for sure about the risk for any particular new partnership. But common sense goes a long way:  for example, much higher risk for someone you meet i a bar and have sex with that night, than for someone introduced by friends. Is it POSSIBLE you acquired an STD from your latest exposure?  Probably yes. Is it LIKELY? Probably no.

However you go about partner selection and testing, the point is that this forum is not in a position to help you with such decisions for ever new or anxiety-producing sexual event.


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32 months ago
Thanks, Dr for the response. I am working with a therapist for my anxiety and guilt trips after sexual intercourse. 
So last night we met again and once again a condom was used the first round and the second round of intercourse no condom was. He did not ejaculate inside of me last night. 
So to close out the question my final questions are 
What STDs should I test for? 
Would you recommend testing at this time given the information I gave in this forum? 
Is it possible I could have a viral STD like HIV or syphilis or herpes? 
I was going to take an HIV test next week and get a vaginal swab for the classical STDs. I have no symptoms and  I understand you said my risks are low but I need extra reassurance. 
 I am also dating other men but I have no sexual contact with them. However, one of the guys I am dating we are getting really close and I want to make sure I am in the clear before moving into another sexual relationship. 

Thanks a lot looking forward to the final response
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
32 months ago
As before, I have no way to judge the likelihood this partner has an STD, but. Even when present, transmission occurs in a small minority of exposures. I cannot tell you whether or not you should be tested now, but probably it isn't necessary.

Being as over concerned and anxious about STDs, you're still having sex sometimes without condoms? What were you thinking???

Standard STD testing is for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV. For women, pap smears consistent with standard recommendations based on age (and unrelated to sexual history). No other tests except in special circumstances, e.g. for herpes if there are symptoms of it.

That concludes this thread I do hope the conversations have been helpful, but as noted above, this must be your last question on these topics.
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