[Question #503] Genital Herpes

43 months ago
I am a 64 year old female and have been in what I believed was a managamous relationship for 30 years.  11 years ago genital herpes entered that relationship.  Can genital herpes lay dormant for 20+ years?   My husband had an outbreak and mine followed immediately.  He had been working out of state for 6 mos. prior to the outbreaks.  None of my doctors want to give a valid answer to my question.
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
43 months ago
Oh my goodness, Trula, I am so sorry to have missed your post, my sincere apologies! 
Yes it is possible for herpes to lay dormant for more than 20 years.  Is it likely?  Maybe not likely but certainly possible.  Are you worried that he was unfaithful?

Terri
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43 months ago
I believe he was unfaithful; he had an affair during his 2nd marriage and then with me; I am his 3rd wife.  It was a very difficult stressful time in our marriage,  His job at the time required different "teams" from around the US flying to CA  to audit mortgage loans.  So he was with both men and women for weeks at a time working in conference rooms staying in the same hotel.  I have never been unfaithful to him.  And I don't believe he would not "continue" if found in a sexual situation.   And yes, I've asked many times and he continues to deny it.  So the sudden outbreak of genial herpes for him, then mine immediatly following while he was home for the week of Thanksgiving and no valid answers from my primary care (who when examining me said "this appears to be genital herpes"; followed immediately by "oh, you are in a managamous relationship".  We both have had other outbreaks and I was tested by my GYN and the test was positive.
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
43 months ago
So you've been carrying around this concern for 11 years?  That's a long time to wonder and be concerned about infidelity, isn't it?  Yes, it's possible he was unfaithful and you both got new herpes at the same time - him first, then you, of course,or it could also be that he had been infected for year and just had a first recognized outbreak and gave it to you.  At this point, there is no way to know and there never will be.  I know this is really still bothering you but at some point, you may have to decide that you aren't ever going to know for sure and decide to put this worry on a shelf somewhere in your head and just leave it there.  Is it impacting your marriage, do you think?

Terri
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43 months ago
My husband just left me; he won't admit to having an affair; indiscretion; dalliance (dalliance as one of your male advisors called a man meeting a woman on FB then having a sexual experience with her).  I still don't understand how, during his time away working in another state that he could be innocent in having brought genital herpes home to us; I am so hurt by this.
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
Terri Warren, RN, Nurse Practitioner
43 months ago
So he left you before you started posting here?  Did you leave you because it was hard for you to let this go?  I'm so sorry if you are sad about this, Trula.  Do you have any interest in putting this back together?  Do you think that counseling would help both of you?
As I said before, it is certainly possible that he was infected for many years before infecting you.  You just can't know anymore.  If your marriage was good before this, is there any hope you can work on resolving this issue? 
This is your final post on this subscription but if you have more questions, please feel free to renew.  I feel very sad for you.
Terri

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