[Question #504] Never intended to harm my wife

44 months ago
Doctors,

Combing frantically through this forum there are a lot of posts of guys stepping out of their relationships and doing dumb things.  I am one of them.  Two or three months back I met another married woman online and we ended up making out.  I was the recipient of oral sex without a condom.  It was spur of the moment I went along with it, and now here I am.  This was the first time I ever did something like this. 5 weeks later my wife is performing oral sex on me in the shower.  She then left town for a business trip and within 24 hours had complained of a weird sore throat that lasted like 4 days.  Eventually I think it turned into a cold.  I panicked and tested for all STDs.  Have been negative in all of my testing in the span of like 3 months for Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, HSV 1/2 (IgG), HIV, Syphilis, Hepatitus A-C.  My wife and I have almost always had protective sex throughout our marriage of like 8 years.  After my encounter we had one episode of unprotective sex and oral.  Is she safe?  Could I have given something to her that could lead to PID?  We haven't had sex in 2 months.  She had traveled a lot and I have found ways to get out of it due to fear that I am going to infect her.   She has been so busy that it hasn't bothered her.  I am attempting to put my anxiety to rest but at the same time don't want to harm my wife's health.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
44 months ago

Welcome to the Forum. I will try to help with some facts.  Hopefully they will help you to hold your anxiety in check and move forward.  You are good- you did not get infected through the encounter you describe, your tests prove you were not infected and your wife is not at risk because of your dalliance. These are all facts.  I will elaborate on all of this below but then your job is to get your anxiety and GUILT under control.  You may need to seek counseling to do this if my comments do not suffice.  Now on to the facts:

1.  It is unlikely that your casual partner had and STI of any sort.  Most people do not and among those who do, oral infections are uncommon.

2. Even if she had an oral STI, not every exposure leads to transmission.  In fact, oral sex is a biologically inefficient means of transmitting STIs.

3.  Your wife's sore throat is unrelated to your sex a day earlier- oral STIs are usually asymptomatic and even when symptomatic, the symptoms take more than a day to develop.

4.  The combination of tests you had and their timing clearly prove that you did not get ANY of the STIs that you have tested for.  Believe the test results.

I hope these comments are helpful.  In addition, one more piece of advice.  Stay off the internet. Much of the information there is incorrect or overstated.  Searching the internet will just mislead you.  EWH

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44 months ago
Thank you Dr. Hook.  I will do my best to let that information sink in.  Another question in regards to herpes.  If I would have actually contracted a form of herpes would that have immediately presented itself as a new infection?  I had a negative IgG Herpes 1 and 2 Herpeselect test at 14 weeks.  Is that iron clad results?  Is there a chance of seroconversion?  I have never had a cold sore in my life to my knowledge.  Also, what is the western blot test?  I heard Terri Warren claim that was the gold standard.  If that is the gold standard, why is the IgG test used?  I still can't believe I put myself in this position.  I wish I had a time machine!  I'd hate to find out in a year or two my wife has somehow contracted Herpes.  And by somehow, I mean got it from me.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
44 months ago

Defining whether or not you got herpes should involve not only your test results but also whether or not you have had lesions (you mentioned none) or new that your partner was infected.  At 3 months in persons who have do not have HSV-1, the HerpeSelect would detect well over 90% of recent infections.  When combined with the fact that yoiur exposure was oral sex, that you have not had and outbreak, and your limited exposures, you should be confident that you did not get HSV.


The Western Blot is primarily a research tool which can be specially ordered.  In my opinion, in your situation and with the results you have, you do not need a Western Blot.  You did not get herpes from the exposure you described.  You need to deal with your guilt, not perseverate on possible STIs that you did not get EWH

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