Me: male in 20's with no sexual history and no STI history

Her: female in 20'a with previous sexual partners but no STI history (herpes not part of typical STI checks however)

We are now dating monogamously and have had sex about 10 times over the course of 4 weeks. Each time we had sex we used a condom correctly. Recently, I realized I had an itchy butt, and some pinkish/redish skin blemishes around my inner thighs. The blemishes ("lesions"?) were not puss-filled and they did not "scab" over, rather they just gradually went away.  Few of the blemishes were also on my butt. My penis was completely unaffected, the only blemishes were around my inner thighs.  My girlfriend went into the women's health clinic at our school and was told they would not test her for herpes because she had no outbreak. (she tested negative for all other STI's in the standard STI panel such as chlamydia, etc.) 

Since my skin irritation has subsided, I assume they will tell me the same thing if I ask about herpes or herpes testing. This is taking a toll on our new relationship because I am uncertain if she has unknowingly given me genital herpes. What should I do? And do the symptoms I described sound like a likely genital herpes infection? 

Thank you for your analysis of these matters. 

The symptoms that you describe sound far more like folliculitis, an mild irritation of the hair follicle, than herpes.  Your symptoms sound nothing at all like herpes to me.  With a new herpes infection, the symptoms would first show up on the penis, not the thighs or buttocks, also.

Herpes antibody testing can be ordered online without seeing a provider if you want her to do that, but again, I don't think that these symptoms are concerning to me.  Please let me know what other questions you may have

Terri

1.  I have zero history of skin irritation in the thighs/butt/genital area, and have not altered my hygienic practices in any way, the only thing that changed was that I started having the aforementioned sex with this new partner. So is it logical to assume I got this from her/as a result of our sexual contact?

2. Because a condom was used each time, would this explain why there were no "lesions" on my penis, because it was covered? And the only "lesions" were noticed on my inner thighs/butt? Or would HSV2 still show up on the penis regardless of condom usage? 

3.  To reiterate my symptoms, I had itchy butt, reddish "lesions" around my inner thighs, and also a few on my butt albeit they were subtle. Additionally, a very subtle feeling of fatigue for a few days, possibly swollen lymph nodes around my neck area, but subtle again. Also I don't really have hair on my butt, so should "folliculitis" be ruled out?

4.  My girlfriend did test negative for STI's (herpes test not included) but she was told that she had bacterial vaginosis -- is this at all relevant?

5. There is a lot of conflicting information about herpes, such as "it can appear on or *around* the genitals" or "it can appear anywhere in the "underwear" region" and despite the fact that my "lesions" were not on my penis and did not fill with puss or scab over, I keep reading that HSV2 can present as any kind of lesion and there is no definitive way to visibly identify HSV2 lesions. I do respect and admire your opinion however and I would truly appreciate your analysis.

1.  I have zero history of skin irritation in the thighs/butt/genital area, and have not altered my hygienic practices in any way, the only thing that changed was that I started having the aforementioned sex with this new partner. So is it logical to assume I got this from her/as a result of our sexual contact?

Possibly.  I think we forget that when we have close physical contact with another person, we can also pick up skin bacteria that are normal for them and cause no problems but could cause problems/issues for us if we do not have that bacteria on our skin normally.

2. Because a condom was used each time, would this explain why there were no "lesions" on my penis, because it was covered? And the only "lesions" were noticed on my inner thighs/butt? Or would HSV2 still show up on the penis regardless of condom usage?

The first outbreak of herpes would almost always show up in the area of direct exposure (i.e. penis)

3.  To reiterate my symptoms, I had itchy butt, reddish "lesions" around my inner thighs, and also a few on my butt albeit they were subtle. Additionally, a very subtle feeling of fatigue for a few days, possibly swollen lymph nodes around my neck area, but subtle again. Also I don't really have hair on my butt, so should "folliculitis" be ruled out?

4.  My girlfriend did test negative for STI's (herpes test not included) but she was told that she had bacterial vaginosis -- is this at all relevant?

Not really, except that you don't know her herpes status

5. There is a lot of conflicting information about herpes, such as "it can appear on or *around* the genitals" or "it can appear anywhere in the "underwear" region" and despite the fact that my "lesions" were not on my penis and did not fill with puss or scab over, I keep reading that HSV2 can present as any kind of lesion and there is no definitive way to visibly identify HSV2 lesions. I do respect and admire your opinion however and I would truly appreciate your analysis.

All of this is true but again, a first infection would normally appear on the penis in a male.  If you are concerned about these lesions being herpes (and they definitely don't sound like it), you should see a clinician to have them evaluated and swab tested if a clinician is concerned about them being herpes.

You say that you don't think it is HSV2 because my penis was unaffected, but also say that "lesions" would show up at the area of direct exposure. Because I was wearing a condom each time we had sex, my penis was covered -- would that explain why my penis was unaffected? Or would the penis still be the area to get the lesions regardless of condom usage?  

Can I assume the pink/red blemishes around my inner thighs, and itchy buttocks - were not HSV2 because my penis was unaffected?

In terms of timeline, this itchiness and inner thigh skin blemishes lasted a total of about 5-7 days altogether before normalcy returned. Is this consistent with HSV2 outbreak timelines?

The thing about condoms is that the cover the vast majority of the penis but sometimes a condom comes up from the base a little bit and that's where we see some new outbreaks in men who are using condoms having sex with a partner who is infected. 

Yes, I think if you are have not experienced an outbreak on your penis, the spots on your thigh and buttocks are extremely unlikely to be herpes. 

A first infection with herpes typically lasts a few weeks or more, if not treated.

I do think you should move on and not worry about this.  If you cannot put this aside, she could be tested to reassure you or at least clarify the picture for you.

Terri