Thanks!

First, congratulations for having safe sex! Hand-genital contact is essentially zero risk for transmission of HIV and other STDs. That secretions come close to the urethra still would be exceedingly low risk -- zero risk for all practical purposes. Remember that even with full, unprotected vaginal or anal penetration for several minutes, the transmission risk -- if the anal/vaginal partner has HIV -- is in the range of one chance in a thousand. It would be far lower with the sort of contact you describe here. The risk also depends on the chance your partner has HIV. Since he (obviously) is a man who has sex with other men, there could be a high chance he was infected. But even if so, I would consider HIV testing unnecessary after such an exposure. Of course you are free to be tested if it would give you more confidence -- test results often are more reassuring than professional opinion based on probability and statistics. But personally, if I were in your situation, I wouldn't be worried at all and would not be tested.

If you don't mind a small lecture, it was a mistake to have sex with another guy -- even when safe sex was intended and was successful -- without first sharing your HIV status with one another. People rarely lie when asked directly, and knowing someone has HIV (and not on effective treatment) obviously might have influenced your decision to proceed. Knowing and sharing HIV status is almost as important in preventing HIV among men as safe sex itself is. Along these same lines, why not speak with him now, if you are able to get in touch. You might find he is just as nervous about this event, and your HIV status, as you are. If you both were tested and negative, you would know there was no risk at all.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear. 

HHH, MD