Dear Dr Handsfield

Your opinions are a godsend for people whose concerns are driven by fears, guilt and punishment fantasies.  Clearly, I could find other posts that were similar enough to have predicted that the handjob did not place me at risk and the masseuse sitting on my butt with her panties on, was also low to no risk for STD’s.  Even with your clear assurances, when someone has a psychological reason to beat themselves up, even the best logic only goes so far.  At first, all that was relevant was that I had a handjob, and clearly you have shared that does not pose a risk unless there are unique and extraordinary circumstances. And yet, only later, did I realize that a massage where the masseuse just wore panties and sat on my butt seemed fundamentally different than “just” a happy ending.  You have said the butt skin to butt skin contact also poses no risk, and there is nothing more to reveal.  No intercourse no oral.  But when the consequences of failing to protect a partner who then gets infected AND is forced to confront ones infidelity could be so devastating, one still explores “why did I do this” and is THERE ANY POSSIBILITY that your advice somehow doesn’t fit the circumstances (because I failed to disclose some important fact).  In my case, I literally think I have fully described the interaction and your opinion has quelled the bulk of my fears, but night demons can still overwhelm.  Perhaps nothing more can be written than to reaffirm your analysis, but maybe you could share what part of the story would have to change enough for you to change your opinion. Short of that, you have done what you can and I appreciate it.