[Question #5884] Oral and fingering / mutual masturbation

19 months ago
Good afternoon doctor,  
Basically over the last 2 years I have been consumed with HIV anxiety to the point it has cause a great deal of anxiety attacks.  There are 2 situations that concern me.   I made 2 bad decisions.   

About 2 years ago I went to a strip club with friends and went to the private room with a female stripper.  We were down there for approximately 30 minutes.  At least 20 of which was  unprotected oral sex and she did deep throat once for a second.   She also was touching herself and did touch my penis with the same hand.  I know she was also using cocaine, so even though I didn’t see blood this is my major panick.  I also fingered her and did reach her cervix for a second, I had no cuts on finger.  After this I went to my doctor 18 days later (whom is the best doctor I’ve ever had).  I had a full std test done and a 4th gen hiv test.  He told me the hiv test wasn’t even necessary and there is no risk for that.  Everything came back negative.   He told me no further testing was required and I tried to move in with my life.

Fast forward 24 days ago to my bachelor.   I had a lap dance by a stripper and she put my penis in her mouth for about 5 seconds, I also briefly fingered her for maybe 10 seconds.  As soon as I realized how I’m putting myself in this situation again I jumped right up and stopped.   This stripper was also performing oral on another stripper 20 minutes before this.  I went and got tested for everything but hiv all negative. I never had symptoms.  However I had and have been having sever panick attacks since that day.  On day 5 1/2 I started getting body fatigue, like my shoulders, arms and legs all felt fatigued.  This lasted a few days and went away.  It came back on day 13 and has been on and off since, mostly in if I focus on it.  I have no other symptoms, I’ve taken my temperature 3 times a day since day 10 and never was over 98.8... 99% of the time it’s around 97.7.   

I am getting married in 12 days to the best woman and greatest
19 months ago
Woman alive.  I am so consumed with hiv anxiety.  Every doctor I’ve talked to said STOP you’re not at risk.  I posted on the POZ forum and was told the same.

What I’m hoping for is for you to say joe, move on with your life and put this behind you, you don’t have HIV.

That is my one and only question?  Have I been at risk?  I’ve researched countless hours of my life I can’t get back over the last 2 years and have been told no one has been infected this way.    I need reassurance from a doctor like yourself.  I’m sorry for the long post.  Thank you for your time 
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
19 months ago
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your condience in our services.

I hope I can help, but I'm not sure I can. We get many, many questions from persons with irrational axieties about HIV and other STDs. Our replies always are the same, i.e. to remind the questioner about how HIV is and is not transmitted. The problem is that anxiety, pretty much by definition, does not respond to facts and data:  there usually are "what if" or "could I be the exception", and similar questions. Such fears often are exacerbated by internet searching, often without regard to the validity of the source:  anxious persons tend to be drawn to information that inflames or reinforces their fears and miss the reassuring information that also is present. With that introduction, to your specific questions:

The only part of these two exposures was the oral sex, which carried a small risk of gonorrhea, herpes due to HSV1, nongonococcal urethritis, or syphilis. But no risk at all for HIV:  there has never been a proved case of HIV transmission mouth to penis. All the rest of it -- fingering also is no risk, whether or not your had cuts on your fingers or reached the cervix. In other words, your doctor was exactly right that HIV tesitng wasn't necessary after the first exposure, and obviously this also goes for the second. Your symptoms are typical for the physical manfestations of anxiety. If they continue, keep working with your doctor.

So now you have heard the same thing as you also heard from your doctor, the POZ forum, and perhaps other sources. I certainly hope my reassurance somehow sticks, even if the previous advice has not. If you find yourself continuing to worry, the only rational response is professional counseling -- to deal not only with the anxiety itself, but perhaps with underlying psychological issues that might be contributing, such as shame or guilt over some sexual decisions you regert. Ask your doctor for referral. I suggest it from compassion, not criticism.

I do hope these comments are helpful. Best wishes for your upcoming marriage.

HHH, MD
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19 months ago
I honestly don’t think I can put into words the Boulder you lifted off my shoulder.  This has consumed me for  years.  I’ve related every little illness to HIV.  It consumed me. I made mistakes but I don’t want my mistakes to jeopardize the health of my soon to be wife.  I assume I can safely have sex with her without any concern?   I did not leave out one detail.  Having read that from an expert like yourself is beyond reassuring.  I thank you for your time, and the time you take for others as well.  I greatly appreciate it!  Have a great night Dr and thank you again  
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
19 months ago
Indeed you can safely have unprotected sex with your wife. Best wishes for a romat=nting and fully rewarding life together, sexually and in all other respects.

Thanks for your kind words.
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