Welcome to our forum and thanks for your confidence in our service.  All in all, this was a low risk exposure.  HIV is rare in women and even if she were infected, your risk for infection from a single unprotected exposure would be less than 1 in 1200.  Nonetheless you had a febrile illness with some of the characteristics of the ARS, as well as I suspect, of your Crohns disease (i.e. fever. muscle aches, diarrhea) but, as you point out does not have the characteristic sore throat as resolved somewhat more quickly than is typical for the ARS.  My guess is that this was not the ARS.  Having said that, you are well informed and cautious enough to ask if it might be.  Answer- probably not although you can be sure by testing.  If your illness was the ARS, your test would be positive at this time as the ARS occurs during the period of high viral (antigen) concentration and during antibody production.  

As an editorial comment, I'm sorry that she took offense in a reasonable question. Perhaps she is not as knowledgeable as you are.  In our opinion, such questions are an appropriate part of conversation early in new sexual relationships.

I hope this information is helpful and not too convoluted.  The chance that this was the ARS is very, very low- less than 1 in 100,000 for sure, probably lower.  EWH