[Question #6593] Confused and upset

14 months ago
I have read your page on and off over time and find it useful.  I need your advice.  Last year,June/July I had two encounters with massage workers.  I’m worried about my risks for infection.  First one, she put a condom on me, short vaginal sex and oral. All covered.  Condom didn’t seem broken. Not sure if there could be any small trays in it that may lead to something. After she disposed of condom and gave me a table shower, it was still wet from last person.  Any risks there?

Next encounter, both naked, semi standing I was rubbing side of her body, she backed up a step and my penis dropped to horizontal.  Moved slightly and bumped into her,  I couldn’t tell if it was her thigh, abdomen or vulva.  Don’t remember any feelings of penetration.  I had fingered her a little, she was slightly moist, not wet.  I backed away as soon as I felt the bump into her.  Could that have caused any infection?

My concern is that my wife has been having some problems.  In October, December, and slightly now she has had severe to old pain along her hip bone.  In October they thought appendix but ruled it out,  they’ve ruled out chron’s,  she has had micro blood in urine. 5-20.  WBC in urine 1-5,  her pelvic exam was painful, this last sets of tests also showed crystals in urine.  She has also the past months had squemous cells in urine over 20 lost time and bacteria in urine.  

She had an ablation 3 years ago so no regular periods just occasional spotting. Which is happening now.  I am freaking out.  Please help.  Thank you for your time.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
14 months ago

Welcome to our Forum and thanks for your confidence in our service.  I'll do my best to help.  As I'll elaborate on, while I appreciate your concern for your wife's health, as I'll elaborate on, I see little reason for concern that the interactions you describe above have contributed to it. 

Encounter no. 1.  This was a virtually no risk event. Condoms are highly effective for STI (including HIV prevention).  If you're condom had failed, it would have been obvious.  Typically when condoms fail, they break wide open leaving no doubt that they have failed.  further, there is no risk for STI from any sort of contact that might have occurred as a result of lying on a wet massage table. 

Encounter no. 2.  As a rule, no penetration, no risk.  Thus no risk from any non-penetrative contact you might have had and, as you point out, had you penetrated her, you would have known it.  Similarly, no risk to you from having masturbated her with your finger. 

Your wife's discomfort, as you describe it, could have many, many none STI causes including problems with the urinary tract (stones, non-STI kidney infection, etc.) or other genito-urinary problems.  My advice is to not worry that you might have contributed to your wife's problems, that there is no need for STI testing related to the encounters you describe, and that your role is to be as supportive as possible as she proceeds with evaluation with her own health care providers.

I hope that this perspective is helpful.  EWH 

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14 months ago
Thank you for the quick reply.  I will try not to go on and on as I know you are busy and are as clear as possible from a distance.

I can already hear the answers,but... the first encounter would I have worry if the condom was ‘generic’?  She didn’t show me it until it was on.

And the second, if I had bumped into her vulva for a second, could there have been concerns about any liquids that had come to the outside of her vulva because of my fingering?  

I appreciate your help. I’ll stop there.  Thanks.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
Edward W. Hook M.D.
14 months ago

No, the fact that a condom was used is the key issue, not who the manufacturer is.

For your 2nd question, for STI transmission, the key issue is penetration, not just contact with potentially infectious secretions.  This the reason that mutual masturbation, even when participants get each others' genital secretions on one another, is considered a no risk activity. 

Again, these interactions should not concern you regarding any potential risk for STI.  EWH

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