[Question #694] Oral Sex with Condom

55 months ago
Dear Doctors,

I'm back with another probably stupid question. Please forgive my anxieties. Last night I was at a strip club. I received a lap dance from a girl there and she offered me some extras like a handjob or blowjob or sex. I took u her offer for the blow job. She insisted on using a condom and I told her I am worried about STD's she said she would never do anything with a guy without a condom and would "kill herself" if she ever caught anything. She also insisted on using hand sanitizer before the dances started and did not even want to come in contact with my testicles as I had to keep them tucked into my pants. She even had baby wipes. I'm not sure if the condom was expired or not but i doubt it. The brand was durex. I can contact the girl but she assures me she does not have any diseases and thought it was "cute" and "silly" how worried I was. I dont even think her mouth came in contact with any area not copletely covered by the condom but of course can not be 1000% sure. Do I have any risk of any STD's of HIV? I strayed from my marriage and I feel very guilty. One last thing. I have a history of genital warts. They have been treated but there is no way to know 1000% that they are all gone according to my dermatologist. The weekend is approaching. Can I safely have unprotected sex with my wife. This is definitely my only "exposure" and I know for sure I am otherwise uninfected with anything other then HPV which we accept. Thank you very much. 
55 months ago
There is so much mixed information online. Really looking forward to your answer. All the best. 
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
55 months ago
Welcome back. But you know what I'm going to say.

While your lap dance partner's terminology about your fears ("cute", "silly") was demeaning, it was accurate. Even without a condom, oral sex is extremely low risk for HIV, maybe zero. Despite claims you can easily find on line -- especially if like most anxious persons you tend to look for statements that confirm your fears -- there has never been a proved case of HIV transmission mouth to penis. And with a condom, the risk is truly zero. The other bits you describe (use of hand sanitizer, whether her hands and mouth came into contact with your skin, etc) make no difference one way or the other. On top of all this, the statistical chance a partner like her has HIV is very low, probably under 1 chance in a thousand. Possibly having genital HPV does not increase the risk of HIV. Finally, given all the "mixed information online", as already implied above, I would suggest you just top looking.

In summary, there was no risk, you do not need testing for HIV or any other STD, and you can safely continue unprotected sex with your wife.

Best wishes and stay safe--  HHH, MD

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55 months ago
Dear Dr. Handsfield,

Thank you so much for your response. I forgot to mention one another thing which I thought was 100% safe but in hindsight I am concerned. I received a handjob from another stripper at the club earlier in the evening. She may have touched her vagina at some point during the lap dance prior to touching my penis. As you know I have a history of genital warts not sure if they have healed. No condom was used for the handjob. Fast forward today - I was at the doctors with an ear infection for which I have been given antibiotics. Additionally, I am not feeling well at all. Tired, hot, etc. 

You are not saying that it was no risk because it is something that happened once correct? For arguments sake, I could get 100 handjobs or 100 blowjobs with a condom for example and be completely safe from HIV yes? I am worried now because of symptoms. I have had way to many HIV tests in my life and do not want to go down that path again. Thank you very much and looking forward to hearing from you. All the best.
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
55 months ago
"I could get 100 handjobs or 100 blowjobs with a condom for example and be completely safe from HIV yes?"  Correct. Or 10,000 times. There has never been a known, proved case of HIV transmission mouth to genital or by hand-genital contact. Your apparent ear infection and other symptoms have nothing to do with any of the sexual events you have described.

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55 months ago
Dear Dr. Handsfield. I am sorry to bother you again. I just wanted to confirm one thing with you. I have had several blowjobs and handjobs always with a condom from various strippers. Shortly after the exposure I am talking about I felt a swollen lymph node under my chin with some pain. Also feeling a bit tired. Are you 100% certain this was no risk for HIV. What I am doing is wrong and I will stop. I had unprotected sex with my wife, I just want to make sure she is not at any risk as this type of behaviour is my only exposure. Thank you very much for all that you do. All the best. 
55 months ago
Doctor sorry I am just really worried. Especially because of my genital warts. I read that they can increase risk of HIV? Am I at any risk at all? Is there any chance whatsoever that my symptoms are caused by HIV? Thank you so much .
55 months ago
And I forgot to mention on some of the blowjobs her lips may have come in contact with skin on my penis the condom doesnt cover everything completely. still no risk for all STD's? I feel as if I ahve put my partner at risk. Please let me know. Sorry and I promise last question. 
55 months ago
The timing fits perfectly for ARS. I am freaking out now.
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
55 months ago
Your symptoms are not as typical of ARS as you seem to think. ARS would never cause a single enlarged lymph node under the chin or anywhere else; there innumerable more likely causes of that and of "feeling a bit tired". Genital warts have little or no effect on risk of HIV. None of this changes my opinions and advice above.

You're free to be tested for HIV if you like. If you do, it will be negative.

It is not normal to be so fearful in this situation, after the repeated, reasoned, science based reassurance you have had. You are overreacting to a sexual decision you regret and my guess i you will not get over that until and unless you receive professional counseling about it it. I suggest this from compassion, not criticism. In the meantime, try to separate that issue from HIV risk from the event. They are not the same. Deal with the former as you need to. The last is not an issue.

That ends this thread. Please do not start yet another thread on this forum with the same questions. Repetative anxiety driven questions are not permitted and a new one would be deleted without reply, and without refund of the posting fee.

Good luck.

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