[Question #7002] Feeling sick, hiv related?

11 months ago
Monday evening I had sex with 2 guys. They're married couple and both are followed up by a doctor in general hospital as they daily take prep. I haven't seen them since December last year due to corona and lockdown. I asked for their hiv status and both showed me their results from 28th May last. Hiv, chlamydia and gonorrhea negative for both and they said no other people they had sex  with since lockdown (about 2 months I guess). I took intermittent dose truvada and my last hiv test negative too although I had protected anal sex and unprotected oral with known guy day after my test. Both fingered me anally and very deeply with lube which still hurts little bit. Then I got my penis sucked unprotected. All else was protected. They both had condom on and I was the bottom. I have since couple of days bit of sore throat. The one guy had lots of precum, maybe through fingering me or changing between condoms could he infected me? They seemed honest but I don't know if they really didn't have sex the last 2 months because then the hiv test result isn't worth anything. Also could the lube infect me with something else than hiv? Can hiv symptoms flare up that soon?I'm feeling bit warm as well. I have seen their results but I am scared to fully trust them because I have hiv fear. 

Kind regards


H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
11 months ago
I'm sorry you found it necessary to return to the forum. This question asks once again about the same kinds of exposures you described three other times, when we discussed the low risk of exposures like this, so I won't have any further comments about them. If you remain uncertain, re-read your previous three threads:  the answers are there. (I'm happy to see that you are asking your partners about HIV status. Keep doing so.)

So the only thing new this time is your current symptoms. They started too soon to be caused by HIV. Symptoms from a new HIV infection cannot start sooner than 7-8 days after infection. It has nothing to do with the lubricant used. Of course any sex is close enough contact to risk any common cold or other respiratory virus, which probably is what you have. These symptoms could well be due to COVID-19, i.e. the current coronavirus epdiemic. You should contact a doctor and ask about coronavirus testing. But for sure this isn't HIV.

HHH, MD
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11 months ago
In my previous post I mentioned I had a duo test at May 17th and hooked up with a guy I know May 18th , which I performed unprotected oral on and received protected anal. This encouter didn't need hiv testing according to Dr Hook but he said to get tested but haven't heard him since so I don't trust him anymore. Didn't have any other encouters until Monday. I already had covid- 19 and I was sick for 3 weeks from April 24th till May 11 th confirmed by pcr test. I didn't perform antibody test afterwards  because the test has a sensitivity of 70% and social distancing is still recommended, so I don't see the extra value to see if I have immunity and still little is known about immunity against covid-19.
Monday I did everything with condom, even oral. Unprotected was receiving oral and letting me finger (with or without precum I'm not sure). The guys were very open with me, how many would show lab results? And they said I could trust them. But I am very anxious about hiv  and my logic reasoning seems to fade away everytime after a encouter. I am always very enthusiastic before sex, scared during sex which I can't enjoy to the fullest and afterwards overthinking it all. I didn't have that 10 years ago but since I have a child and parents to look after I am scared to become sick from hiv. On the other hand I have a life too and can't live like a hermit either. I have seen both lab results from them and afterwards we talked about hiv risks for an hour but still suspicious. So from my previous encouter May 18th and from Monday it is not hiv related I'm having sore throat and little muscle ache? Can I move on? Can I continue to date them regarding hiv safety? I am still hiv negative?

Kind regards

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
11 months ago
That you've had COVID-19 of course makes that an unlikely cause of your new sore throat. But that doesn't make HIV any more likely. It's still more likely an upper respiratory virus than a new HIV Infection.

Dr. Hook said you don't need testing but suggested you do it anyway for reassurance, not because you were at risk. I often give the identical advice. My knowledge and expertise and Dr. Hook's are identical; if you don't trust him, you also should not trust me. Since you do not trust our advice, I would suggest you do not return to this forum. Wny ask for advice from a resource you do not trust?

"my logic reasoning seems to fade away everytime after a encouter. I am always very enthusiastic before sex, scared during sex which I can't enjoy to the fullest and afterwards overthinking it all."  These statements, plus your inability to accept and trust reassurance from your partner, demonstrate a psychological/emotional problem. That's not something we can fix, and you may not use the forum as a crutch every time you have such feelings. All I can to is repeat our previous advice that you consider professional counseling.

I cannot help you decide whether or not to believe and trust your new partner(s) or whether you can continue to date them and remain at low risk for HIV. How can any distant forum advise you on whether to trust your potential partners? 

Are you still HIV negative?  Probably yes -- as I said above.
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11 months ago
To clarify, I do trust Dr Hook, I meant I don't trust the guy I dated  before because he said he would go for hiv test but haven't heard from him since. My sentence was wrong I see now and my apologies for the mistake. I do trust your advice and from Dr Hook otherwise I would not pay 25 $. It's for sure that I need counseling, you're absolutely right. I'm not only scared for to get sick  from hiv because I take care for my child and parents also the group with highest risk is msm which I belong too. The guy from my previous encouter and married gay couple see other people besides me and thus more partners more risk among msm. Then the risk for me is also higher, isn't it? From all my encounters they say they don't have hiv, practise safe sex but people can lie. Luckily, the couple knows I'm scared and want to let my trust grow. What can I do more than use condoms and prep to stay negative? 
My respect to you and Dr Hook, again I do trust  both .your advice.

Kind regards
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
11 months ago
Thanks for clarifying, and for your kind comments about the forum and the trust you place in us.

In general, of course the risk is higher when selecting partners who themselves have had multiple partners. But that's true for almost all male-male sexual relationships; except for selecting partners who have never had sex, the average gay man cannot avoid partnerships with people who at times have been at risk for HIV. But this doesn't mean that all relationships are riskly. Can you redice your risk of HIV to zero? No, certainly not if you continue sex with other men. But you can keep the risk very low, and you're doing exactly the right things toward that goal. And iI'm glad you have found a couple that probably is current not at risk for HIV, with both sensitive to your needs.

In response to your closing question, I do not think there is anythime more you can or shoud do, if you're going to have sex at all. (And I certainly do not recommend not having sex. Romance and sexual gratification--sexual health in its entirety--are ccore human values:  they are always worth at least some level of trade-off between the benefits and potential downsides.) However, this does bring me back to the advice about professional counseling. It's undoubtedly the surest route to achieving the needed balance between sexual health and the anxieties you are experiencing. This fforum cannot substutute for that need. We discourage repeated questions on the same topic and this should be your last. Future ones will be at risk of being deleted without comment and without refund of the posting fee. This policy is based on compassion, not criticism, and is designed to reduce temptations to keep paying for questions with obvious answers. In addition, our experience is that continued answers to anxiety-driven questions simply prolong those anxieties, when a better option is usually to seek professional counseling. Finally, such questions have little educational value for other users, one of the forum's main purposes. Thank you for your understanding.
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