You're not alone -- your situation is very common! 90% of all people get genital area HPV at least once, usually several times; and the high-risk types (like 16 and 18) are among the most common. Happily, the large majority of HPV infections, including infection with high risk types like HPV 16 or 18, never progress to cancer, even if not treated. And when women follow their doctors' advice about follow-up and sometimes treatment to remove possibly precancerous cells, cancer is never a problem. That's the most important advice I have for you:  follow your doctor's advice after the colposcopy about repeat paps and/or any treatments she may suggest. With or without any treatment required, your HPV infection will be cleared by your immune system. HPV DNA often persists, and recurrent active infection isn't rare. But if or when it happens, it also does not cause serious health problems. (It is true that HPV persistence is more common in older than younger women. But 30 is on the young side -- you're not very likely to have any future problem once the current infection has cleared up.

You really shouldn't be nervous about discussing this with your partner. And you certainly do not need to stop having sex with him. Having had recugar sex for a year, he has been repeatedly exposed and likely infected; or maybe infected previously and the source of your infection. It's usually not possible for a couple in your situation to ever know who was infected first or from whom it was acquired. Condoms do not prevent HPV very well;  regular condom users get HPV almost as often as non users. For all these reasons, stopping sex makes no sense now, and no harm will come to either of you from repeated exposure to an infection they already have.

As for throat cancer due to HPV (almost always HPV 16), cases have been rising in recent years and there's been a lot of media attentio about it, but it remains an uncommon cancer -- far less common than others like cancer of the breast, lung, colon, prostate, and so on. Becasue oral sex is so common, most people have been orally exposed to HPV but most don't get infected, and actual disease is even rarer.

And talk with your doctor about immunization. You're still at risk for additional infections, and undoubtedly still are susceptible to some of 9 HPV types prevented by the vaccine. (But be aware the vaccine won't have any effect on the infection you already have.)

To your specific questions:

1) Just have a straightforward discussion of the facts, and be prepared to discuss the things I've said above. Before you tell him, read up about HPV; there's a lot to know, far beyond what's practical on a forum like this. Two excellent resources are CDC (www.cdc.gov/std) and the sponsor of this forum, the American Sexual Health Association (www.ashasexualhealth.org).