On May 28 I had an unexpected, unprotected encounter with another man; he initiated it, I didn’t stop it.  Beyond guilt I fear passing something on to my spouse.  The details: maybe a minute of kissing, tongue on tongue.  I sucked his penis briefly (don’t think there was any precum) and inserted my penis in his rectum briefly and went in and out a little.  I saw no sores of any type on his lips, penis, anus.  He performed oral sex and rimmed me for quite some time.  At no time did I see blood. I’m concerned about Hepatitis A, B, C, syphillis, chlamydia, gonnorhea, hiv, oral and genital herpies (I find the herpes info confusing, it seems that much of the population has some form of it). I feel I should get tested for them all now, and then repeat some at later dates.  My partner and I (in our 50’s) haven’t had sexual contact for months; however a new closeness is occurring.  She kissed my lips briefly a couple times since the encounter -I keep it minimal and pull away quickly because I fear her catching herpes.  If I test for all of these now, I would learn what doesn’t register at the moment; it seems I could have a positive herpes result because it seems much of the population has it.  I’ve read that hepatitis shots could help prevent catching it, but I need to do so within 2 weeks of the encounter; it seems later I could test positive for hepatitis A or B because of the shots.  Telling my spouse would likely end our marriage, but that would be better than passing something on.  It seems some diseases can linger unknown for long periods of time. The person says I have no worries, but that means nothing.  He drinks a lot -not sure how that impacts Hepatitis matters.  I have no symptoms that I can tell. Thank you for your insights and compassion.

I appreciate that your partner indicated that he had been tested and assured you that he was not infected.  Indeed, most people tell the truth and that he said this is good but there is still the possibility that he may have asymptomatically acquired infection in the interval since he was last tested and, of equally importance, my sense is that as you deal with your guilt and anxiety over this exposure, negative tests would provide helpful reassurance.  I see little reason to talk with him further about this, it might just offend him and it does not change my recommendation for testing.

You do not need a swab specimen from your penis- the urine specimen will provide accurate results. In that you performed oral sex on him however, a throat swab specimen is appropriate. 

In the absence of an outbreak we typically do not recommend herpes testing.  The odds are that you, like over 60% of American adults, already have HSV-1.  HSV blood tests in situations such as yours most often detect pre-existing infections and are typically not very useful to detection of recently acquired infection in the absence of an outbreak.  False positive tests are relatively common.

There is no reason not to kiss your wife.  Even if you have gonorrhea of the throat, kissing does not transmit the infection.  If you do not have sex until you know where you stand infection-wise, she is not at risk.

The tests for HIV, syphilis and hepatitis are blood tests.  Testing at this time will provide little useful information about recent infection.

Receipt of rimming does not put you at risk for acquisition of STI.  You do not need a rectal swab.

You do not need to worry about casual, non-sexual contact with your family.  You do not need to wear gloves to cook. 

As for working through your shame and guilt, you have to sort this out.   EWH