[Question #8439] Lapdance worry for Syphilis or any other STD

44 months ago

Hi Doctors,

Thank you for this great forum.

I am a mid-30s man and very anxious right now. I am in the UK and went to a strip club a few days back and had a lap dance from a lady from Africa. I was pretty drunk which is fuelling the anxiety. The dance itself lasted for 30 mins when i remained fully clothed. The dancer also kept her thong on. During the dance I feel I quite extensively, and maybe even vigourosly touched her body, mainly buttocks and breasts. Also during the dance, the dancer lightly pecked my lips twice (my mouth was closed), aswell as rubbing her nipple across my lips.

I am very worried that I may have caught something from this, especially syphilis. I have been on the internet and in some places see that syphilis cannot be passed by kissing, and some places say that it can. Also, I have read that touching a sore or rash on the body can cause syphilis - as as I was touching the dancers body extensivly (creating friction), this has got be worried.

I am at my wits end - I have a wife and children (i share a bed with one of my kids), and i am petrified of infecting them. I have been holding back kissing them and generally engaging with them.

What should I do? Is there a chance i coould have caught anything from this event? Do I need to get tested?

Thank you

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

44 months ago

Welcome to the forum and thanks for your kind comments about our services. I'll try to help.

Some questions can be answered pretty accurately from only the information included in the title. In this case, lap dances without genital contact or penetration are risk free. For example, in the 15 years of this and our preceding forum, with hundreds of questions just like yours, nobody ever reported back that they in fact acquired any STI.

No STI is ever transmitted by contact with a partner's breast, buttocks, or other non-genital areas. And no STI can be transmitted through clothing. Kissing can transmit oral herpes, and in theory can be a risk for syphilis; and there is controversy about whether it explains some cases of gonorrhea in men who have sex with other men. But this has never been documented or strongly suspected for contact between men and women. The kinds of rash or skin lesions that syphilis causes on dry skin are not transmissible; this also is not a realistic concern.

All things considered, there is no realistic chance you have any STI from the events you have described, and there is absolutely no reason for you to be modifying your normal physical contacts with your wife and kids. Even in the exceedingly unlikely chance you have some STI, it cannot be transmitted to children or household contacts except sexually (or in kids, through sexual abuse): family members never acquire STIs without having sex, regardless of shared beds, bathrooms, eating utensils, etc.

"What should I do?" Believe the science and do your best to stop worrying. Think objectively -- don't let your emotions lead you into dark corners. But if you remain obsessed, one possible stop would be to visit your nearest NHS GUM clinic, where you will receive the same reassurance in person (likely more effective than an online exchange like this), and likely would offer reassuring testing, such as a throat swab to check for oral gonorrhea, and a syphilis blood test

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

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44 months ago

Thanks for your reply doctor.

I actually called nhs sexual health helpline and was told that there was no risk unless there was direct contact with genitals and was told I didn’t need testing.

The kisses were very light closed mouth pecks, (I did not kiss back) would that make a difference to the risk?

Also this happened less than 5 days ago and I think this is too early to test? Would testing at this point help?

Sorry for the additional anxiety, I worry about these things and want to put all this behind me. Do you think I should do that?

44 months ago

Sorry I meant to add… if I did in fact get syphilis through a kiss would it not be possible to pass to my children though kissing them?

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

44 months ago

I'm glad to hear that the NHS help line agrees with my assessment. And yes, closed mouth kisses are zero risk: if there is any STI risk from kissing, it would be only with open mouth kissing, and even that would have to be vigorous and prolonged.

I wouldn't even be able to advise what specimens to test for you. There's no point in checking for oral or genital infection of any kind. If you like, you could have syphilis and HIV blood tests, but they aren't valid until 6 weeks after exposure. In the meantime, if your fears about all this persist, the best I can suggest is professional counseling. It really isn't normal to remain so concerned in the face of the reasoned, science based advice you have had both here and from the NHS help line. I also have to wonder whether cultural norms or your upbringing about sex are involved here. If so, do your best to ignore the possibly irrational and unscientific things you were told or that might be common in your community or family. Finally, don't confuse your feelings about a sexual choice you may regret and disease risks from that choice. They aren't the same!

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44 months ago

Thanks for the follow-up. I am already seeing a counsellor for my general anxiety problem, so will discuss this with them.

Just to confirm and make sure I understand correctly, there is no medical reason for testing, this would only be if I am still worried and to give me that extra reassurance?

Could I forget about all this now and carry on as normal and not get any testing?

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

44 months ago

"... there is no medical reason for testing, this would only be if I am still worried and to give me that extra reassurance?" Correct.

"Could I forget about all this now and carry on as normal and not get any testing?" Yes indeed. That's what I would do if somehow I were in your situation.

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44 months ago

Thanks so much for your help. I discussed this with my therapist today, and used your advice as guidance.

One last final thing, I just wanted to confirm the nipple touching my lip is of any risk? Having read through your reply again you didn’t directly touch upon this.

This will be my last question. Thanks for your help in such a troubling time for me.

H. Hunter Handsfield, MD

44 months ago

HIV isn't transmitted by mouth contact with skin anywhere on the body, including nipples. Don't overthink it! Ignore any and all additional "what if" questions that may come to mind. There is nothing you will think of that would change my judgment and advice for you.

Best wishes and stay safe.

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