I would appreciate your guidance and advice on the following. I have been seeing a guy age 42 recently which i am not very sure on his previous sexual history. I found out after having a brief unprotected encounter that he havent tested for hiv for a while, he was not very comfortable when i opened the subject assuming he is not aware of his status. Between 5-10 mins i was bottom and he was top, there was no ejaculation and i suspect if there was any pre-cum and lube was used. It has been 10 days exactly from this encounter. Feeling anxious at the moment and not sure if i should open the subject again with him or what to do next. How risky is this encounter? Given that no ejaculation or deep penetration happening. 

When should i get tested and should i stop seeing him at the moment?

You say nothing about your partner, i.e. his sexual lifestyle, other partners, etc. Of course the overall HIV risk and the chance any one person is infected is highly variable. Where and how you met him also might be helpful in judging his risk. But his seeming naïveté about HIV and perhaps unwillingness to discuss it might imply he's at fairly high risk. Had you acted promptly (within 72 hours), post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV might have been advisable. The average risk of unprotected receptive anal sex with an infected (and untreated) partner has been estimated by CDC at roughly one chance in 900. There are no data to know how that risk might be raised or lowered by ejacuatiion in the rectum, pre-cum exposure, depth of penetration, or the duration of the event. Logically, the risk is lower with reduced duration. On the other hand, I would consider 5-10 minutes rather long and that your risk (if he has HIV) rather high.

So this should be considered a high risk exposure unless and until you learn your partner doesn't have HIV. My advice is that you contact him again (and if necessary, keep trying!) to learn if he has been tested recently and the result -- or even better, to be tested now for HIV. If currently negative, you can relax and move on with no further worries about HIV. If this isn't feasible, you should be seeing a doctor or clinic with good knowledge about HIV for periodic testing. You could start with a test for HIV RNA now, then follow-up with a series of antigen-antibody (AgAb, "combo", "4th generation") blood tests over the next few weeks. You also should be tested for common STDs, mainly rectal gonorrhea and chlamydia, and a syphilis blood test after a few weeks.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

Threads are closed after two follow-up questions/comments and replies, and this is your second. Feel free to let me know your partner's Insti test result, but let's hold off on other comments until then. Stay relaxed in the meantime:  probably it will be negative.