I need answers to some questions that I can’t find an proper answer to online. And to be honest I’m fed up of reading online it’s making me sick. I have developed crippling anxiety I haven’t slept in weeks. Not eaten in days. 

So my situation is in the past I have cheated on my wife loads of times. I have kicked this habit and been faithful to my wife for 1 year 3 month now. At the time I didn’t think about STI I just got on with it. But now as I have matured and realised the errors of my ways I have started to regret my decisions and also worry about my wife’s health. 

So my exposures were all oral sex this was with men, women or anyone that I could. Bar hook ups, apps, escorts whatever. Some was protected but most was not. 

I have not had any symptoms over this time.

Like I said last was 1 year 3 month ago. But maybe had 50 exposures with different people over the 5 years prior. 

I have just tested to try and eliviate my stress I have tested for HIV, Syphillis, Ghonnaria and Chlymidia. 

These are all negative and I had about 30 seconds of no anxiety before I started wondering about old antibiotics I took. Or my body self clearing etc. 

I’m worried my wife still has something from me. And I don’t know how to rule this out? Any tips? What’s your thoughts?

Hope I’m making sense. 

My first reaction is to congratulate you in your recommitment to your wife and marriage. I and the other moderators never take a moralistic stand -- whatever sexual lifestyle people choose, we have no problem with it, as long as the events are consensual and, ideally, mutually rewarding. But if you are pleased with that change, I'm happy for you and support it and hence offer my congratulations. Second, I suspect your anxiety is mostly related to the emotional and relationship issues. Your conscious worry is on the health implications, but largely that may be transference from the main problem. Still, I hope you find my following comments reassuring.

The chances you have any STI or that you have infected your wife are very low. Even without condom protection, oral sex can be considered safe sex, with much lower risk for all STIs compared with unprotected vaginal and anal sex, and virtually zero risk for some of them (e.g. HIV and chlamydia). Second, you have tested negative for the four STIs of greatest importance for your wife's health. The tests for those infections are extremely reliable, so you can be confident you didn't give her HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea or chlamydia.

Since you don't mention the details of your gonorrhea/chlamydia testing, I'm guessing your have urine testing, but maybe not throat swabs? However, chlamydia rarely infects the oral cavity, and oral gonorrhea is difficult to transmit, especially by cunnilingus or kissing, and is cleared by the immune system within several weeks. So there is no chance you are currently infected in the oral cavity, even if not tested for such infections.

There really are no other STIs you should be concerned about. You've been at risk for herpes (orally from kissing and performing oral sex, and genitally from receiving it -- but absence of symptoms suggests you don't have it. Asymptomatic infections can occur, but your wife also (presumably) hasn't developed herpes symptoms, so that's really not a worry. Trichomonas and Mycoplasma genitalium rarely if ever don't infect the oral cavity, so you weren't at risk for catching or transmitting it. HPV could be a concern, but is not a frequent consequence of oral sex, and rarely causes symptoms in the oral area. And because everybody has (or has had) HPV, your wife already has had it and the risk of further consequences (e.g. abnormal Pap smear, genital warts) is no higher on account of your extramarital activities.

I think that pretty well covers the issues. Do your best to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your wife and stop worrying about any health impact from your past decisions. All is well!

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

I needed that, and I needed your congratulations so thank you truly from the bottom of my heart.

I will love my wife and I will be the best I can be and move on from all these events in the past. Burying them deep inside my mind expecially now I know I’m not a risk to my wife.

I’m going to re-test again in three months just to be fair to my wife to make sure I haven’t infected her and subsequently reinfect myself but in the mean time I’ll stay mellow and enjoy my stolen time with my amazing family. 

Thanks and best wishes. X

I know it’s pretty safe to assume she’s not infected but just on the off chance that my immune system cleared and infection or antibiotics taken in the past cleared it. 

But from what I have read on here - and from your response the most likely (all be it next to no risk) is Ghonnaria but I’m pretty safe to just be on the lookout for symptoms in me is that right?

Also can you get reinfected from a host, if your body has already cleared an infection of the same type (partial immunity I guess?) just interested to know. And how long would it take to reacquire an infection off my wife? Hyperthetically.

Like I said I’m in a much calmer state. And I know the chance my wife has an STI (off me) is slim but just wondering. 

Honestly I can’t thank you enough! You have saved my life. 

Would you suggest a retest or not? 

The notion of partial immunity is valid, but at best there is only modest reduction in infection frequency after previous gonorrhea, chlamydia or syphilis. However, the situation is different for the viral STIs:  once infected with HSV1 or HSV2, virtually nobody is ever reinfected with the same virus type. There also thought to be substantial immunity to the second infections with the same HPV types.

That completes the two follow-up exchanges included with each question and so ends this thread. Best wishes.