[Question #8663] Have I caused infertility issues?

41 months ago

Hi Doctors,

I’m another one of them overly anxious men who have made a series of bad decisions now regret them and for one reason or another is in a spiralling state of anxiety. Just like 90% of this forum. Unfortunately while many posts are very similar to my situation I can’t find one that fits exactly so here I am.

So my situation is male 31 been faithful for the last year but prior to this I did cheat on my wife a handful of times, these were oral sex with other males found on a dating app. Not happy with myself and really not sure what caused this but it’s not me and I’m not happy with myself. This could become a whole lot worse depending on your risk assessment.

Me and my wife’s situation is we have two kids already both was conceived very easy. But we have been trying for our third for over a year now. And each month that pasts the more that I worry about it, as in I caused it.

I didn’t test because it didn’t occur to me to.

However since I have become more stressed about it I have tested 5 times at different intervals and have always been negative.

I have however had various different antibiotics and various different times for different ailments. Rather alarmingly one was frequent urination and penile pain that was diagnosed as uti in now wondering if something more sinister.

Anyway I’m worried I had something gave my wife something that’s done it’s damage in the fellipian tubes and as such I’m not catching it back.

So my frank questions are

1) what’s my risks

2) what’s my wife’s risks

3) how likely is it that is struggling to conceive is because of this. Just for your information on pushing her to see her doctor as she won’t, I have spoke to my doctor who has analysed my sperm and all is good. She won’t see doctor.

4) is it possible that I gave her something let’s say chlamydia it’s ascended to cause PID and once there it’s not contagious and as such she’s still chlamydia positive but I will always remain negative.

I understand this is a complex situation and orob

Edward W. Hook M.D.

41 months ago

Welcome to our forum and thanks for your question. I’ll be glad to comment although, as I suspect you know, will be talking about probabilities here. You do not provide information regarding the time interval since your last encounter outside of your marriage but, presuming it has been a while ( several months or more) and given the fact that you have taken antibiotics on multiple times there are no absolutes. That said, the probability that you acquired an STI which went undetected, was transmitted to your wife, not then transmitted back to you but caused infertility in your wife is very, very unlikely and not something to worry about. As you have probably noted in other threads on this forum, oral STI’s are relatively uncommon a difficult to both acquire and transmit. With this background, let’s address your specific questions:

1. As noted above, your less your risks cumulatively are substantially less than 1% although I cannot provide a specific numerical estimate beyond that.

2. Even lower than yours. The scenario you describe is lower than being struck by lightning.

3. See no. 2 above. Same answer

4. Not really

I hope this perspective is helpful. Please don’t worry. EWH

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41 months ago

Yes very helpful.

Thank you.

Just to clear my understanding. Because I like to here that the risk was low but I also like the science behind it.

1) If she did “get struck by lightning” and have PID caused by me. Could she still be contagious to me, if she’s not treated or once it moves to the upper genital tract does it become none transmissible?

2) And I know there is no absolutes but with regular tests and regular sex with my wife each negative test is very reassuring isn’t it? Ie I would be expected to reinfect myself with the same strain if she was infected.

Again thank you.

Very very unlikely is good enough for me.

Just found myself reading online and even though you and the other doctor keep banging the “oral sex is low risk” drum the internet doesn't say the same.

41 months ago

Oh and if I could. To put a personal perspective on this.

If you and your wife was in my situation you would happily stay quiet about my affairs. Knowing what you know the risk is simply too low I assume?

Edward W. Hook M.D.

41 months ago

Please don't go down the "what if" rabbit hole. I also urge you to stay of the internet. Although (I presume) well intended, all too much of what is there is out of date, taken out of context, or just plain wrong with no way to tell whether it is correct or not.

If your wife had chlamydia and you have been regularly having sex (i.e. more than 4 or 5 times), you would have almost certainly have become infected and had a positive test. Active infection of the upper genital tract is typically accompanied by positive tests (and thus, transmission of infection to partners),

Were I in your situation, I would move forward without concern. The likelihood that you acquired an STI from your missteps and that is the reason you're having trouble conceiving is too low to be a realistic concern. EWH

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40 months ago

Hi,

Sorry to return - can I just say a sincere thank you for your reassured advise over the last two reply’s. The personal slant on this predicament really helped me settle down.

Unfortunately we are still not pregnant - each month I do get fleeting doubts and I have re read your advise and again it’s calmed me.

My wife has finally agreed and started to make moves with her doctor. I’m not sure if this is a good or a bad thing (good that we can get her help, bad if a STI is suspected)

I have just had another round of tests to once again try and prove that me (and by proxy her are STI free, perhaps not surprisingly I’m still negative)

I don’t think it’s realistic to keep doing these tests - they cost too.

Anyway the appointment is over the phone on Friday - so absolutely no idea what that will achieve.

So can I just ask you a few questions doctor - again I know you said we are playing probabilities and you said it’s very unlikely.

1) under what scenario do you think (knowing the steps I have taken) that my wife has a STI and I don’t ? I can’t think go a single one but you did say we are playing probabilities (and I’m not sure how low lightning strike is)

2) if she has had an STI in the past (she was a virigin before me) I gave her this so what’s the chances she had one it’s done it “damage” and now cleared. As I guess with me not reinfecting myself from her she would hypothetically test negative if she was to test.

3) I don’t think the doctor will suspect a STI, my wife certainly won’t: so do you think it’s ok for me to stay quiet about my out of marriage past encounters.

4) if when the doctor finally examines her. IF (unlikely) she has PID is that always caused by an STI I read conflicting information that it can be entirely normal bacteria that causes it. Others say it’s an STI. She’s had a miscarriage before could this have caused it?

5) if she has got PID but negative swabs (again me not reinfected so I assume she will swab negative) would the doctor be able to differentiate between sexually transmitted PID and not?

Thanks in advance. I know these are “what if” questions probably won’t help me. But honestly I’m in a much better place I’m just trying to prepare myself for Friday, and beyond.

The way I see it - the odds are so low. It’s safe for me to keep my head down and let the doctor do his thing. In fact I think if I mentioned my oral encounters it will do more harm than good. But I would like to here your general thoughts and answers to my questions.

Edward W. Hook M.D.

40 months ago

As you know, we provide three responses to each client's questions. This is my third and therefore final response. Further, I must inform you that having absolutely PROVEN that you did not have an STI, future posts on this topic may be deleted without a response and without return of your posting fee. This is done out of concern for you. As you know, your guilt and resulting anxiety are not due to an STI and do not need input from our Forum to address them. I urge you to seek counseling to address your concerns. In response to your final questions:

1. These concerns are fanciful. Give up on them, seek counseling.

2. Get off the idea that she has an STI or that you gave her one. The majority of persons who do aquire STIs do not suffer long term consequences.

3. Yes

4. No PID is not always caused by STIs

5. No

Your concerns as expressed above are repetitive. They only serve to emphasize your need to seek counseling in rder to move forward. Please do.

EWH

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40 months ago

Hope I can jump in before closure! But only to say thank you. this last response has been most helpful.

I’ll move on. Stop testing not worry about my wife or her doctor and perhaps seek councilling if needed. But this has helped me no end.

Thank you. Honestly I know you think that was all anxiety based but it’s a lack of knowledge which you have provided me.