[Question #8850] My wife’s health

39 months ago

Hi,

I have made a mistake - and I have hopefully moved away from this but I have lingering doubts and worries for my wife and her sexual health who to date is none the wiser of my actions.

Perhaps 5 months ago I finished with an extra marital affair with another male it lasted perhaps 3 months prior to that. We kept it oral only as that’s all that we was interested in. I thought I was safe as he was an elder gentlemen and we both was married but I just found out I was not his only partner.

During the time of me calling it off with my fling I was overcome with stress and anxiety that caused me to become symptomatic (frequent urination) the doctors did a dip test on me all clear and gave me doxycycline. While taking the meds I couldn’t live with myself so self tested urine for all STI - this was all clear at this time (I didn’t even think of my throat)

I had a good sex life with my wife including oral on her.

I tested again at 2 months, 3 month (this included throat swabs), 4 month and 5 month. I have remained negative while continuing sex with my wife.

My symptoms came and went around the tests (mainly frequent urination, but also penis discomfort - never discharge)

I’m concerned that I got an infection either in my penis and cleared with doxycycline or in my throat and passed it my wife while performing oral on her.

How much of a risk do you feel this is, while I know the best action is to get her tested but is my constant and repeat testing a good sign that I am not and never was infected ?

Would an oral infection transmit to my wife easy?

Just for clarity the affair lasted a few months but was only 3 meets.

I have tested conclusively for HIV and Syphilis so happy not a risk.

My only concern is if my wife is carrying something.

Edward W. Hook M.D.

39 months ago

Welcome to our Forum and thanks for your questions. I'll do my best to help. The encounters you describe are relatively low risk for acquisition of STIs and your negative tests provide further reassurance. Most people do not have STIs and even when they do, most sexual contacts to infected persons do not result in infection. Amongst penetrative sexual encounters, oral sex (both giving and receiving) are amongst the lowest risk variety of exposures. While STIs are uncommon, the STIs most commonly acquired when this does occur are gonorrhea and non-chlamydial NGU. Chlamydia acquisition from receipt of oral sex is rare. Most persons (90-95%) who have gonorrhea develop symptoms of obvious urethral discharge or burning on urinations and the symptoms of non-chlamydial NGU, which is due to introduction of mouth bacteria into the urethra and is rarely transmitted to sexual partners, are similar. Research has shown that urinary frequency is NOT a symptom of urethral STIs but is a common manifestation of STI-related anxiety.

Your negative tests, including your negative urinalysis, likewise suggest that no infection was present.

While there are no absolutes, there is really nothing in your description to suggest that you acquired an STI from the encounter you describe. Further, had you given something to your wife following your affair, you likely would have been infected, leading to a positive test on follow-up tests. The only other thing you might do to address your continuing concern is ask your partner if he has had symptoms or any indication of an STI in the interval since your affair began.

Bottom line, the likelihood that you acquired an STI and transmitted it to your wife is close to zero. I would not worry about it if I were in your situation. EWH

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38 months ago

Hi,

Thanks for your advice two weeks prior. I appreciate the time and the explanation.

I meant to log on and send my thanks but it slipped my mind.

I asked my other partner if he had Experianced any symptoms of such and he said no.

I guess this is a good sign?

Thank you

38 months ago

To explain my recent return to the forum Basically my wife has an app booked at the hospital to test her fertility due to a year of trying for a baby. And I’m terrified that I have caused her issues or that she is carrying something and my infedelity will come the the fore in the worst way possible.

Shouldn’t have done it.

37 months ago

Hi Dr Hook,

Firstly I hope you got my thanks I posted a few days back.

Secondly

I hope this is allowed im not really sure on follow up rules. I think this is probably not classed as a follow up so please tell me if I need to post again.

Background is me and my wife has had our first consultation with our local doctor hear around fertility. We have kids already but been trying for a second for a while now.

He took her bloods and a sample of my sperm and we have just got results back.

Her bloods are all ok and she is ovulating

My sperm count is high and everything else is in normal range Can’t remember what it’s called but more than should be is swimming in wrong direction etc but not overly so.

He’s booked us in with the hospital for further tests.

My worry is all that’s left that can cause issues is something blocking the eggs from my sperm yes? So PID.

I couldn’t ask the doctor about PID because my wife was with me. So if possible I’d love your insight into this.

1) am I right in saying PID is our most likely diagnosis at this time.

2) how likely is it I caused this from my discretions.

3)Is there anything that I could have caught from oral that would cause fertility problems.

I have read online about PID been the most common cause of fertility problems and it’s a STD so obviously this will cause issues between us if we are diagnosed with this.

I’m fairly sure I didn’t get gonorrhoea as I still am largely symptomless and I have tested several times like you said close to zero and continuing sex with my wife I’m pretty sure I would have caught it back myself and with over 90% of males having symptoms I feel I’d no. Even without further tests.

I did test the other day for chlamydia because it was free - while in a club. That was negative. Didn’t test for Gonorrhoea but again happy that been symptomless is decent proof.

Thanks again and look forward to your reply.

37 months ago

And while I think on, one last question.

To aid diagnosis am I better explaining to my wife and doctor of my oral sex exposures. Or is the risk so low that I can keep quiet. I’m trying to hold on to my marriage but don’t want to cause long term effects if the doctors miss something.

Obviously honesty is the best course I know this will split me and wife up and I honestly truely do not want that.

Edward W. Hook M.D.

37 months ago

Welcome back to the Forum. I’m sorry you continue to worry. You are overthinking this. PID is a leading PREVENTABLE cause of infertility but there are many other causes. Further, you have been repeatedly tested for STIs and been negative. Your risk of having caused your wife’s delay in becoming pregnant is very unlikely to be due to your dalliance. Unless further tests show some sort of tubal problem you really can dismiss concerns about PID.

EWH

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