Dear doctors,

I appreciate your time to answer my question.
About 2 weeks ago I made a major error in judgement and visited a place where they offer tantric massages (with no option for sex). I must admit it got a bit out of hand. I have deep regrets and shame to have done this, as I am in a committed relationship.

I would like ask some expert opinions on the following scenario:
1) body to body massage, both naked. Never any genital to genital contact.
2) after the massage, the girl started rubbing her vagina (both superficial and inside), after which she shortly stroked my penis. I can't remember, but let's assume she used the same hand.
3) I rubbed her vagina and clitoris, but there was no penetration (no fingering). After which I briefly touched the shaft of my penis whit the same hand.
4) I caressed her breasts with the same hand I used to touch her vagina after which I sucked one of her nipples.
5) 3 brief kisses on the mouth, dry, no tongue. 2 out of the 3 I did not really kiss back. Mouth stayed closed, did not recall feeling any saliva. More of a peck on the lips. Definitely no passionate french kissing.

There was no penetrative sex involved (oral, vaginal nor anal).

Am I at risk of any STD/STI from the scenario above? Should I perform some tests?
Am I at risk of having contracted (oral) herpes? Today is day 13 after exposure. So far no cold sores have developed on my lips or anywhere else. I did however wake up on day 10/11 with a mild fever (37.8C)

Could I resume normal sexual relations with my wife? Important to know is that she is pregnant.

I realize this does not paint a nice picture of me as a person. As mentioned, a huge shameful mistake. Trying to cope with it and the subsequent anxiety as best I can.

Any expert feedback much appreciated.
John

Welcome to our Forum and thanks for your questions.  I’ll be glad to comment.  The events you describe did not put you at meaningful risk for STI.  STIs are harder to acquire or transmit than is commonly thought.  Most people, even most commercial sex workers, do not have STIs. Further, STIs such as Gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichamonas, and all are transmitted only through penetrative sex and not by touching, rubbing, or on a person’s hands or fingers.  Similarly there is no risk for infection from closed mouth kissing.  While herpes might theoretically be transmitted through the sort of contact you describe, I have never seen such a case and if you were going to develop herpes lesions, they would have appeared by now.  ---

Thank you Dr. Hook for your response and reassurance.

Regarding oral hsv1, I've read that quite a lot of people can be an asymptomatic carrier. As I am unaware of my hsv1 status, is giving oral sex subsequently always a risk for passing on hsv1 to my partners genitals?
Considering genital hsv1 be passed on to a newborn during birth (and can be very dangerous), I wonder if this happens often and why this risk isn't more common knowledge?

Are there solid numbers known on the frequency of asymptomatic hsv1 carriers? Or do some lesions/cold sores always develop during an initial outbreak (and possibly not recognized as such), after which they never return?

I think your more concerned about genital HSV-1 than you need to be.  There is no evidence to suggest that you did.  You could well already have it (50-60% of adults do and do not get cold sores or know it) and even if the masseuse had HSV-1, the sort of kissing you describe typically does not result in transmission.  ---

Hello Dr. Hook,
Could this be the start of an oral herpes outbreak, considering I had a slight fever on day 11? How rare is it for spots/lesions to appear after the usual 12 days? I've read online it can take up to 21 days incubation time for herpes? Is this information accurate? Should I abstain from kissing my wife?

Police and you describe this not sound like an initial episode of oral herpes. I disagree with the information you appear to have found on the Internet.  Typically  following acquisition of herpes, lesions appear at the site of infection within 10 days of exposure. In addition, when herpes lesions appear, they tend to evolve quickly (over a day or less), going from a slightly tender bump to a small vesicle (blister) filled with clear liquid which then goes on to ulcerates.  ---