Am I safe to have sex with wife and it test following this incident? 

This was indeed an entirely safe event, with no STI risk of any kind. You should not be tested on account of this event and should continue unprotected sex with your wife without worry.

FYI, you didn't need to start a new thread. You can always add a comment in the follow-up pane without another fee. The previous question will be deleted and I will ask the forum administer to reimburse the fee.

Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

There are no rigid guidelines on test frequency. If you only have massages with hand-genital happy endings, and no oral sex or intercourse, I see no need to ever be tested for HIV or any STI, and you could continue to have regular sex with your wife.

Thanks for the thanks -- but there are plenty of excellent experts on STIs! Admittedly, however, online expertise is scant.

 I guess I’m trying to know from an all inclusive STI standpoint, gonorrhea especially, what specifically oral behaviors are “no risk” vs “small risk”.  The first part of my question (poorly typed, I hope this was clear) was that the woman only put a quick kiss on my penis. You dismissed that as not requiring any STI testing. If she had taken me into her mouth for any duration, would you have advised differently?  

This is what I am trying to determine,  as the ease with which oral sex is offered in Bangkok is really extreme. While medically the non-HIV STI’s are less fearsome, they are still trouble not worth having.  You have told the community countless times that all hand-to-genital, kissing (except for Covid I guess) and other non-insertive sex (even cunnilingus it seems) is safe enough not to warrant withdrawal and testing. That is very important to know. (Though you do advise periodic testing nonetheless - I read your responses very carefully.) 

Can gonorrhea (or other nasties like this) transfer from a mere quick lick,  a dry kiss we’ve ruled out I guess (because no saliva? Is that where the pathogens are?); does it really require prolonged (minutes etc) fellatio before it even crosses from “no-risk” (equalling “no-test required”) to the “low risk” threshold (which then somehow seems requiring testing)? 

I’m asking hyper specifically, sorry if this is tedious, but it’s a reality I need to understand to live without fear of triggering a medical (thus social / marital) crisis. Having to hold off sexual contact until tests come in is very psychologically hard and treacherous to do…I want to stay out of that situation. Obviously,  “just-don’t-do-it” is one easy answer, but there are deep reasons why guys need to do this…very long term marriages - mine and most any I know of - seldom have high functioning sexuality despite being very loving and intimate in other aspects)….it’s a real problem for healthy fit testosterone-normal guys in their 50’s, 60’s and beyond. We are not much less horny at this age than at 20 or 30. The wife meanwhile is satisfied with 1 or 2 times a month. That’s just not how men’s bodies function. 

So I’m reaching for some further advice from you. 

Thanks again, of you can tolerate my persistence here.  

 

It is exceedingly unlikely but perhaps not zero risk that gonorrhea could be transmitted by the very brief contact you describe.

That will have to conclude this thread. I hope the discussion has been helpful. My last request is that you not return to the forum to discuss risks with each and every exposure. You know enough now, from our various discussions, to make your own judgment. If in doubt, get tested.

Thanks for your understanding. Best wishes and stay safe.

Possible I could receive your comment on my last part here? 

I can try to better organize my points:

1) as regards non-HIV STI’s, (gonorrhea etc) what is the safe limit for oral transfer avoidance physically speaking,  though some low level oral contact occurs, (if such can even be stated scientifically?) 

 I’m asking this along same lines as advice on kissing or hand-genital contact. These both you and your colleague assure are not STI transfer behaviors. Full stop. So I know I can do that and not worry. This is hugely important information. 

(2) In case of “oral sex” … there is a lot of leeway here on what that is. A typical blow job, yes, we all know what that is. Should one as a rule test for STI if that occurred?  or, would it be morally acceptable to just move on and forget it lest symptoms arose? BTW Is an asymptomatic man still able to transfer gonorrhea? How does this transfer if asymptomatic? …from semen only? or could even kissing transfer gonorrhea? I’ve no idea. 

Would be very helpful to get your breakdown on this. HIV matters are all clear as a bell. The others I’m not so clear. 

I am also just slightly concerned that my typing in first note was so sloppy and ungrammatical when I typed it that you missed my story. The girl kissed (“pecked”, exactly speaking) my dick. There was no insertion whatsoever. You then said “no worries, no test required”… was that clear enough? 

Sorry if I am verbose. 

Await your response. 

It is sufficient, thank you.