[Question #9068] Very stressed over oral
 |
36 months ago
|
Hello and thanks for the service you provide. I am a married heterosexual male. I had one exposure to a male of unknown status. He swears he doesn’t have HIV but I have reason to doubt that he tests regularly. He also wouldn’t test when I asked him to. I gave him oral with ejaculation in my mouth which I swallowed quickly. I know oral is very low risk and even lower given his unknown status. However, that does not ease the horrible anxiety over this. My question is, I had what I presume was thrush start 2-3 days after this event. Had light night sweats on day 6, and 3 other occasions spaced out over the next 3.5 weeks. My last night sweat was last night on day 26. I also got a cold sore on day 21. I do get cold sores that are typically triggered by stress. No fever, or other symptoms. Are these symptoms a sign of HIV? I’ve been worried sick, and spent the bulk of the last four weeks googling HIV. Really wish I’d been more knowledgeable beforehand, I likely would not be in this position. Today is day 27 after exposure. Yesterday my son started having cold symptoms, runny nose, cough, headache. He’s young and I’m worried to death that I’m infected and passed it to him somehow. Even though I have not had any open cuts or bleeding that he was exposed to. I plan to get a duo, 4th generation test tomorrow on day 28. Hopefully I can soon put this all behind me. My wife is also getting very concerned that our sex has stopped. She thinks it’s her and that I’m not attracted to her anymore. This was a horrible mistake that I regret with my whole heart. This has been a 4 week long nightmare.
 |
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
36 months ago
|
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your confidence in our services.
I'm pretty sure you understand, intellectually, that you are drawing exactly the wrong conclusions about your situation in every instance. You do not have HIV; you did not have thrush; your oral cold sore is just a normal (stress related?) recurrent outbreak of your longstanding oral herpes; and your son has a garden variety cold (or COVID?). All is well from an HIV standpoint.
You say you already understand that oral sex is low risk for HIV, even if your partner has it. Let's put some numbers to it: The estimated risk to the oral partner by fellatio on an infected partner has been estimated at 1 chance in 10,000. That's equivalent to giving BJs to infected men once daily for 27 years before infection might be expected. Second, most people do not lie about HIV status when asked directly, so it is unlikely your male partner has HIV. But let's say there's a 10% chance. In that case, your risk of being infected becomes one in 200,000 (270 years, by the previous calculation). Third, not all white spots in the mouth or coated tongue are thrush: most are not. Fourth, ARS symptoms (including thrush) cannot start sooner than 8-10 days after catching HIV -- which rules out not only the thrush as a reflection of HIV, but also your earlier night sweats. Fifth, night sweats mean nothing unless associated with fever: significant night sweats occur because a fever during the day breaks during the night; with no fever, your night sweats are insignificant, perhaps anxiety related. Finally, HIV is never transmitted in the household -- even if you had HIV, your son's symptoms cannot be due to HIV he caught from you. And those are the wrong symptoms anyway: acute HIV (ARS) does not cause nasal congestion or cough.
Am I boring you with all these details? I hope so -- it's a boring situation, or should be. You needn't have waited this long to be tested: even as early as 3 weeks, a negative HIV antigen-antibody test (AgAb, "4th generation", "duo") is 80-90% conclusive; a negative result at 4 weeks will be nearly 100%, although you'll need a final test at 6 weeks to reach 100%. Still, even now, the chance you have HIV is zero for all practical purposes. If somehow I had been in your situation, I wouldn't be tested for HIV at all, and I would never have stopped having unprotected sex with my wife.
Presumably you'll still want to go ahead with your plan for an AgAb test in a day or two. You can count on a negative result. Once you have that result, please don't wait another 2 weeks to resume sex at home. Sounds like it's long past time for you to get a sitter, have a nice evening out (flowers, wine, the whole bit) and reassure her that she isn't the problem in both words and in action when you arrive home (or check in to the hotel).
I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear. Best wishes!
HHH, MD
--- |
36 months ago
|
Thank you for your timely and detailed response. I realize I have been thinking in absolutely worst case scenarios. Your response has helped put my mind at ease. You have answered all my questions. Hopefully my next response will be letting you know about my negative duo/4th gen test results. Enjoy the rest of your day and thanks again for the valuable service you provide.
|
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
36 months ago
|
Thanks for the thanks. I'm glad to have helped so far, and looking forward to a final comment if you go ahead an post your test result.---
|
36 months ago
|
As you expected my results were non-reactive. It was nerve racking waiting for the results but your advice and confidence helped get me through. Thanks again for the valuable service you provide!
|
H. Hunter Handsfield, MD
36 months ago
|
Glad to hear it, but of course not surprised. Thanks again for your appreciation of our services. If you are interested in additional support to sustain the program, you might consider making a tax deductible donation to the American Sexual Health Association, the forum sponsor. ASHA is a century old and the nation's premier private nonprofit agency in support of sexual health, with emphasis on STI prevention. (Disclosure: Dr. Hook and I are former ASHA Board members.) You can find a link to donate at www.ashasexualhealth.org. Thanks for considering it! Best wishes and stay safe.---