I actually put it out of my mind until going to the eye doctor in July 2021. I have some hemorrhages behind my eyes. One strong reason was possible Covid or Covid vaccine related but when he said HIV I went into a spiral. 

Took another Oraquick. This was September 2, 2021. This is now almost two years from the last encounter with him and nine months from any encounter with someone I’m sure was negative. The result was negative. 

My mind was at ease until I recalled the man I did have relations with 17-18 days after having relations with me in late 2020, came down with a cough, chills, headache and sore throat. No fever. General feeling of run down. (He had also been exposed to Covid five to six days prior but didn’t test). After ten days he felt fine. I also may have been at the tail end of my period when we had relations unprotected. 

Can I trust two Oraquick tests? The first covering all acts prior to the window and then one almost two years (20 plus months) from him? I read your answers and you seem to state to trust the tests but that they miss infections even after the window. Could they miss that far out? What about if I’m on Valtrex daily for years? Should I test again? And if another Oraquick (the third) is negative would that even be more proof that any potential false negative at this point would have shown positive? I’m a smart woman but completely irrational at this point. Thank you. 

There is no realistic chance you have HIV. Contrary to what you might assume, your symptoms are not typical for acute HIV infection (acute retroviral syndrome, or ARS) -- which does not cause cough. It is far more likely you acquired COVID, which I would have suggested even if you did not know about your partner's exposure to it fSecond, the oral fluids tests (Oraquick) you have had are nearly 100% conclusive. However, these tests miss 2-5% of HIV infections, no matter how long one waits after exposure. So for still further (100%) reassurance, I would recommend a lab based antibody (third generation) or antigen-antibody (AgAb, "4th generation") blood test.

Another options is to ask your partner to be tested for HIV. If negative, you will know you haven't been exposed. Since you know him well enough to have had a number of sexual exposures over the years, and he has been in a risky situation (just being in prison is generally considered an HIV risk, regardless of sexual activity while there). It seems to me he owes it to you, and probably will go along without objection, assuming he isn't a first class jerk.

There are no medications or medical conditions -- including herpes infection and valtrex -- that have any effect on HIV test reliability. Those are nothing to be concerned about.

So the bottom line is for you to have a proper, high quality HIV blood test done at a laboratory, rather than relying on self testing; or ask your partner to be tested and share his result; or both. You definitely can expect negative results. I am very confident you do not have HIV.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

I can’t ask him to test as it sadly was an abusive relationship.

 I guess I’m nervous that with the time we were together (over two years), how could I not be the 1 in 300 if he had untreated HIV and I HSV2? Seems almost statistically impossible for me to be negative. And that’s where I start to spiral. 

I suppose I can just get a lab based test. While I knew the Oraquick could miss infections, i am hoping it didn’t miss twice after 18 pLus months removed from him. 

I hope to not be the one person in your 14-15 years of forum that got two false negatives. Fingers crossed. Again, thank you for your time. 

Also sorry to hear about the nature of the relationship. I understand entirely and hope you're successfully managing the stress and trauma you likely suffered.

I don't quite understand why you think it is "statistically impossible" for you not to have HIV. I have to suspect that's your emotional side thinking, not your intellect. You do not know your partner had HIV; statistically, he probably did not. Even if he did, the average HIV transmission risk, male to female if the male is infected, is around once for every 1,000 episodes of unprotected vaginal sex. Having had roughly 20 exposures, if I correctly interpret your opening question, then even before you had an HIV test, the odds you had HIV were somewhere around 2%, i.e. one chance in 50:  high enough to be concerned, but far from certain. Now add your test results, which together are around 99% conclusive. Now the chance you have HIV calculates at something around one chance in 5,000, tops.

We have advised many questioners with much higher chances than these. The likelihood you will be the first infected person in all those years is near zero. I do hope you will follow through with the lab based test. It's fine to keep your fingers crossed -- but also stay mellow. You definitely can expect a negative result.

Threads are closed after two follow-up exchanges. So let's hold off on further discussion until you have been tested, assuming you go ahead with that plan and would like to let me know the result. OK? 

But I want to just clarify this man and I were partners for two plus years. We are easily looking at 250 encounters. That may change my odds. 

We're now at the point that threads normally would be closed. Nothing more until you report your result. Thanks for the kind wishes -- I just started a nice glass of wine after putting dinner in the oven!