Intoxicated with friend who happens to be a gay. Blacked out briefly for a bit of the night, no real reason to think anything happened. I am not gay. 

Recall leaving, things are blurry. 

 About a week later feel mild swelling in top jaw by partially erupt wisdom tooth, I though for sure this was the problem. Swelling turns into little bump 1-2 days later, that is hard and hurt when pressure applied. Used warm salt water. 

About 2 days later bump pops into a ulcer like sore, that is sensitive to spicy foods and acids. It is sensitive for about 3-4 days. Pain has subsided after that. The only problem now it is taking a long time(almost 4 weeks)

Checked with light and sore doesn't really hurt. I keep playing with it with my tongue and I smoke so that could prolong healing. I was thinking it was a canker this entire time. 

Till I realized it wasn’t going away. The anxiety struck. You think the worst happened, what if I gave oral to my friend?! Could it be syphilis? Am I losing my mind? 

I truly don’t believe this and am anxiety driven. We are old friends and I asked him about it. He said nothing has ever happened between us. Sore is about 1cm long with slight indent and a bit of red around it. It is located on the outer gums behind my wisdom tooth. I hope that helps. 

I am completely mortified as I’m not a homosexual. There is no real reason to believe this happened but I have a girlfriend and don’t want to hurt or lose her over this. 

It seems to me it is unlikely you had your gay buddy had sex, but you're a better position to know than I am! If you did, the chance he has syphilis and that your oral problem is a syphilitic chancre. Oral chancres are rare, and when present rarely are painful. So a canker sore sounds most likely, and you recognize that anxiety is driving your fears more than reality.

Did you speak with your friend? If he say there was no sex between you, probably you can believe him. If there was or he also doesn't know, you might ask him to have a syphilis blood test. If negative, it will prove you could not have been infected with syphilis. Finally, you can always see a doctor or clinic to evaluate your oral lesion; probably you would be reassured it isn't syphilis. If any uncertainty still remains, have a syphilis blood test in a few weeks.

This is the third time you have told a story about such heavy alcohol that you blacked out and were worried about sex you didn't remember. These experiences suggest a rather serious alcohol problem. You might seek professional advice about your drinking.

I hope these comments are helpful. Let me know if anything isn't clear.

HHH, MD

I am very certain this another anxiety driven problem, just as it was the first two times. 

I was curious though how a chancre works. I did have to have an awkward conversation with my friend and I knew nothing happened as I remember almost all of the night. Its just little bit I can’t remember I assume the worst possible scenario, like before. 

Thank you for your reply. I’m already certain nothing happened and it’s the problem with nerves. Could you tell me how a primary chancre works in detail? I’ve been scared of this before and the internet has a few different explanations. Is there an initial bump? Pain? One week to show. I see they usually show after 3 weeks. What are some other ulcers that last a long time and does smoking or certain foods impede healing?

But I would encourage you to NOT use this information to decide whether or not a genital lesion needs medical evaluation. There are plenty of exceptions:  painful chancres, painless canker sores or herpes, and others. EVERY unexplained ulcer or inflammatory bump on a sexually exposed surface needs professional evaluation. All types of ulcer considered, the two most common explanations are herpes and syphilis.

I’m monogamous and have no other sexual encounters. Except the fabrication's. 

How long after a exposure does a chancre begin in the mouth and what are these odds? Is it considered a chancre after ulceration? What colour is the chancre and is it deep? Mine is a small hole that is the same colour as the rest of my mouth. 

I’m thinking the partially erupted wisdom has something to do with it. Out of herpes and chancres are there anything else that can last a long time in the mouth and not be considered a STI?

I appreciate you patience. Thank you again. 

No sore is called a chancre until and unless syphilis is found to be the cause.

That completes the two follow-up exchanges included with each question and so ends this thread. I hope the discussion has been helpful. Best wishes and stay safe.