I'm in a gay monogamous relationship. I cheated on my partner 12/10 with another man. It was a brief encounter, we exchanged oral. No ejaculation.

On 12/16 I had a full panel of tests (anal/oral swabs, urine, blood) and it was negative for everything.

On 12/22 I had just G/C tests (anal/oral/urine) and a penile swab for all STI causing bacteria - everything came back negative.

I remained in contact with the partner I saw outside of my relationship to keep him updated and, on 12/27, he had a physical and was negative for all tests (oral swabs and urine for G/C).

My partner recently (1/4) tested positive for Gonorrhea on a urine test.

My questions are -- 1) how likely is it that his infection resulted from my exposure, if all info is to be believed? or is it more likely that my partner has either had it for a long time or also saw someone? Either way, I assume I need to be treated.

2) if the other partner tested negative for syphillis on 12/27, was that likely not transmitted? Planning to retest for this either way -- when would that test be accurate?

Thanks.

Current nucleic acid amplification tests for gonorrhea are amongst the most reliable of all tests in medicine and at the time you were tested, the test results should accurately reflect whether or not you were infected from your casual encounter.  Both falsely positive and falsely negative tests occur although this is very, very rare.  The fact that your casual partner was also negative and apparently did not have symptoms makes it likely that your test results were accurate if all of the information you have is accurate.  That said, your partner apparently has a proven infection and the best course of action would be for you to be treated.  Whether or not you seek repeat testing prior to treatment is up to you but if you test and were positive, you may not know whether your infection came from your casual encounter and was missed or you were infected by your partner after your casual encounter.  Irrespective however, you should seek treatment at this time.

If your other partner tested negative for syphilis on 12.27, I would not worry about a possible syphilis exposure.

I hope this perspective is helpful.  Please seek  gonorrhea treatment ASAP.  EWH

I received treatment. I came clean to my partner. All of my tests came back negative now at 3.5 weeks. So, am I to assume I did not give him Gonnorhea from my 12/10 exposure?

You know my next question — and I don’t ask it with anger or a desire to bombard my partner with a “smoking gun” — but he said he has not seen a single person in the entire 10 months we’ve dated. How likely is it that he would have asymptomatic gonnorhea in his penis for 10+ months and never give it to me? Or give it to me and I asymptomatically clear it everytime? I ask this so as to not be naive as I navigate this very trying time for our relationship, not because I think you can conclusively tell me that he is not being honest. 

Thanks.

1.  You cheated.

2. Your partner was found to have gonorrhea at a time AFTER you had negative tests (BTW, why did he decide to test, give the fact that the relationship was thought to be monogamous  until you strayed.

3.  Possibilities include- he strayed too, that you got gonorrhea which went undetected and was transmitted to him, or lab test error.  The likelihood that he carried asymptomatic gonorrhea for months and did not transmit it to you seems quite unlikely.

My advice as to use the information provided here and open the discussion with a statement that you have beentrying to figure out how he got gonorrhea (I still wonder, and if you don't know, you should ask, why did he decide to test?)

EWH